|
| 1 | Valerie Singleton |
| 2 | Bottle of Glue |
| 3 | Carpet |
| 4 | Roath |
| 4 | Ruof |
| 5 | Ching |
| 6 | Dorothy Dicks |
| 6 | Tom Mix |
| 7 | Neves |
| 8 | Garden Gate |
| 8 | T and H |
| 9 | Calvin Klein |
| 9 | Nervo |
| 10 | Chicken & Hen |
| 10 | Dirty Den |
| 11 | Legs |
| 20 | Score |
| 22 | Two Little Ducks |
| 25 | Pony |
| 26 | Bed and Breakfast |
| 33 | Feathers |
| 40 | Basil Fawlty |
| 45 | Rouf Cinque |
| 50 | Niffty |
| 50 | Steve McGarret |
| 86 | Nix |
| 88 | Two Fat Ladies |
| 99 | Nena |
| 100 | Century |
| 100 | Day's Work |
| 100 | Ton |
| 500 | Monkey |
| 1000 | Grand |
| 1000 | Long Un |
| 1000 | Rio Grande |
| 2000 | Archer |
| 1000000 | Bar |
| 1 Shilling (5 pence) | Bob |
| 2:2 (lower second class degree) | Desmond Tutu |
| 4 Door Saloon | Ken Boon |
| All Dayer (all day drinking session) | Leo Sayer |
| All Dayer (all day drinking) | Gary Player |
| Alone | Jack Jones |
| Alone | Jack Jones |
| Alone | Pat Malone |
| Alone | Todd Sloan |
| Are you sure? | Are you George? |
| Arm | Chalk Farm |
| Army | Daft and Barmy |
| Army | Kate Karney |
| Arse | April in Paris |
| Arse | Aris |
| Arse | Bottle and Glass |
| Arse | Khyber Pass |
| Arse | Plaster |
| Arsehole | Elephant and Castle |
| Arsehole | Jam Roll |
| Arsehole | Merry Old Soul |
| Aunt | Mrs Chant |
| Aunt | Mrs. Chant |
| Baby | Basin of Gravy |
| Back | Cadbury's (snack) |
| Back | Cilla Black |
| Back | Hammer and Tack |
| Back | Hat Rack |
| Back | Hay Stack |
| Back | Jumping Jack |
| Back | Roof Rack |
| Bad | Sorry and Sad |
| Baker's dozens | Paul Cousins |
| Balls | Berlin Walls |
| Balls | Town Halls |
| Balls (testicles) | Cobbler's Awls |
| Balls (testicles) | Niagara Falls |
| Balls (testicles) | Orchestra Stalls |
| Balti | Basil Fawlty |
| Banana | Gertie Gitana |
| Bank | Cab Rank |
| Bank | Ham Shank |
| Bank | Iron Tank |
| Bank | Tin Tank |
| Bank | Tommy Tank |
| Bar | Bazaar |
| Bar | There you are |
| Bar (pub) | Jack Tar |
| Bar (pub) | Near and Far |
| Barber | Dover Harbour |
| Barrow | Bow and Arrow |
| Barrow | Cock Sparrow |
| Bath | Steffi Graf |
| Battery | Tony Slattery |
| Beard | Strange'n'Weird |
| Beaver | Sigorney Weaver |
| Bed | Born and Bred |
| Bed | Scratch yer head (Scratcher) |
| Bed | Uncle Ted |
| Beef | Itchy Teeth |
| Beer | Pig's Ear |
| Beers | Brittney Spears |
| Beginner | Lilley & Skinner |
| Believe | Adam and Eve |
| Bell | Hair Gel |
| Belly | Auntie Nellie |
| Belly | Derby Kelly |
| Belly | New Delhi |
| Belly | Peanut Butter and Jelly |
| Bender (homosexual) | Leo Fender |
| Bent (criminal) | Stoke on Trent |
| Bent (homosexual) | Stoke on Trent |
| Best | Mae West |
| Bet | House to Let |
| Beverage | Edna Everage |
| Biggun (big one) | Barry Mcguigan |
| Bigot | Lester Piggot |
| Bike | Dick Van Dyke |
| Bill (statement) | Beecham's Pill |
| Bill (statement) | Jack and Jill |
| Bill (statement) | Jimmy Hill |
| Bint | Polo Mint |
| Bird | Richard the Third |
| Bird (Lime) | Prison Time |
| Bitches | Ronald Riches |
| Bitter | Habitual Knitter |
| Bitter (beer) | Apple Fritter |
| Bitter (beer) | Gary Glitter |
| Bitter (beer) | Giggle and Titter |
| Bitter (Beer) | Laugh and Titter |
| Blazer | Razor |
| Blind | Bacon Rind |
| Bloke | Heap of Coke |
| Blood | Claret (red wine) |
| Blotto (drunk) | Santa's Grotto |
| Blowy (Windy) | David Bowie |
| Boat | Nanny Goat |
| Bog | Kermit the Frog |
| Bog (Toilet) | Cat and Dog |
| Boil | Can of Oil |
| Boil | Conan Doyle |
| Bollocks | Flowers and Frolics |
| Bollocks | Jackson Pollock |
| Bombs | Uncle Toms |
| Bones | Tom Jones |
| Book | Captain Hook |
| Book | Fish Hook |
| Book | Joe Hook |
| Bookies | Cream cookies |
| Boots | Daisy Roots |
| Boozer | All Time Loser |
| Boozer | Perpetual Loser |
| Boozer (liquor store) | Battle Cruiser |
| Bore | Front Door |
| Boss | Dead Loss |
| Boss | Joe Goss |
| Boss | Pitch and Toss |
| Boss | Profit & Loss |
| Bottle | Aristotle |
| Bottle | Jerry Cottle |
| Box | nervo and Knox |
| Boy | Rob Roy |
| Bra | Master McGrath |
| Brace and Bit | Shit |
| Braces | Airs and Graces |
| Braces | Ascot Races |
| Brains | Down the Drains |
| Brakes | Francis Drakes |
| Brandy | Fine and Dandy |
| Brandy | Jack the Dandy |
| Brassiere | Bristol Pistol |
| Bread | Uncle Fred |
| Breast | East West |
| Breasts | Georgie Bests |
| Breath | King's Death |
| Bride | Fat and Wide |
| Broke | Coals and Coke |
| Broke (financial) | Hearts of Oak |
| Brother | Manhole Cover |
| Brother | One and t'other |
| Brussells (sprouts) | Cockle and Mussells |
| Bucket | Mrs Duckett |
| Bullshitter | Little Critter |
| Bum | Deaf and Dumb |
| Bum | Kingdom Come |
| Bum | Queen mum |
| Bunk (bed) | Pineapple Chunk |
| Burp | Wyatt Earp |
| Burst (urinate) | Geoff Hurst |
| Business | Bee's Knees |
| Butter | Johnny Mutter |
| Butter | Mutter and Stutter |
| Butter | Stammer and Stutter |
| Butter | Talk and Mutter |
| Cab | Bob McNab |
| Cab (taxi) | Sherbet Dab |
| Cafe | Colonel Gadaffi |
| Café (pronounced caff) | Riff Raff |
| Cake | Sexton Blake |
| Candle | Harry Randall |
| Candle | Saucepan Handle |
| Cans (headphones) | Desperate Dans |
| Car | Jam Jar |
| Car | Kareem Abdul Jabbar |
| Car (flash one) | Danny Marr |
| Card | bladder of lard |
| Cardy (cardigan) | Linda Lusardi |
| Cash | Arthur Ashe |
| Cash | Bangers and Mash |
| Cash | Crosby, Stills, Nash |
| Cash | Dot and Dash |
| Cash | Harry Bash |
| Cash | Harry Nash |
| Cash | Sausage and Mash |
| Cat | This and That |
| Cell | Flowery Dell |
| Chair | Here and there |
| Chair | Lion's Lair |
| Chalk | Duke of York |
| Chancer (someone not qualified) | Bengal Lancer |
| Change | Rifle Range |
| Chapel | Pineapple |
| Charlie (cocaine) | Boutrous Gali |
| Chat | Bowler Hat |
| Chat | Natter |
| Chat | Top Hat |
| Cheap | Meryl Streep |
| Cheek | Hide and Seek |
| Cheek | Once a Week |
| Cheese | Bended Knees |
| Cheese | Evening Breeze |
| Cheese | John Cleese |
| Cheese | Stand at Ease |
| Cheque | Duchess of Teck |
| Cheque | Goose's Neck |
| Cheque | Gregory Peck |
| Cheque | Kite |
| Cheque | Nervous Wreck |
| Chest | Bird's Nest |
| Chest | George Best |
| Chest | Pants and Vest |
| Chicken | Charlie Dicken |
| Chilly | Picadilly |
| Chilly | Uncle Billy |
| Chin | Biscuit Tin |
| Chin | Errol Flynn |
| Chin | Harry Lin |
| Chink (Chinese) | Rink-a-dink |
| Chinky | Thumb and Pinky |
| Chips | Hairy Nips |
| Chips | Jockey Whips |
| Chopper (Penis) | Gobstopper |
| Chum | Fruit Gum |
| Church | Left in the Lurch |
| Cider | Deep sea glider |
| Cider | Easy Rider |
| Cider | Shaun Ryder |
| Cider | Winona Ryder |
| Cigar | Lar-dee-dar |
| Cigarette | Snout |
| Cinema | Stevie |
| Clanger (mistake) | Coat Hanger |
| Class | Bottle and Glass |
| Clean | Billie Jean |
| Clink (jail) | Kitchen Sink |
| Clock | Dickory Dock |
| Clock | Tick-Tock |
| Clown | Charlie Brown |
| Clue | Danny La Rue |
| Clue | Danny LaRue |
| Clue | Pot of Glue |
| Clue | Scooby-Doo |
| Clue | Vindaloo |
| Coat | Nanny Goat |
| Coat | Quaker Oat |
| Coat | Weasel and Stoat |
| Cockney Rhyming Slang | Chitty Chitty Bang Bang |
| Coffee | Everton Toffee |
| Coffee | Roland Joffe |
| Coffee | Sticky Toffee |
| Cold | Boris the Bold |
| Cold | Cheltenham Bold |
| Cold | Potatoes in the mould |
| Cold | Soldiers Bold |
| Cold | Stevey Bould |
| Cold | Taters in the Mould |
| Conk (Nose) | Glass of Plonk |
| Cook | Babbling Brook |
| Cook | Rubber Duck |
| Cool | Harry Kewell |
| Copper (Police Officer) | Bottle and Stopper |
| Copper (police) | Grasshopper |
| Coppers (police) | Bottles and Stoppers |
| Cops | Cozzer's |
| Cops | Gathers |
| Cork | Duke Of York |
| Corner | Jimmy Orner |
| Corner | Johnnie Horner |
| Corner | Johnny Horner |
| Cough | Boris Karloff |
| Cough | Darren Gough |
| Cousin | Baker's Dozen |
| Coward | Frankie Howard |
| Crap | Jamie Redknapp |
| Crap | Macca |
| Crap | Pony and Trap |
| Crap | Von Trappe |
| Crash | Sausage and Mash |
| cream freezer | Ice |
| Crime | Lemon Lime |
| Cripple | Raspberry Ripple |
| Crook | Babbling Brook |
| Crook | Joe Rook |
| Crown | Lousy Brown |
| Crust | You Must |
| Cry | Drip Dry |
| Cry | Pipe your Eye |
| Crystal Palace | Screaming Alice |
| Cunt (Fool) | Charlie Hunt |
| Cupboard | Mother Hubbard |
| Curry | Bill Murray |
| Curry | Ruby Murray |
| Customs & Excise | Church Boys |
| Daft | Fore and Aft |
| Dame Judy (Dench) | Stench |
| Dance | Jack Palance |
| Dance | Kick and Prance |
| Darlin' | Briney Marlin |
| Daughter | Bottle of porter |
| Daughter | Bricks and Mortar |
| Dead | Brown Bread |
| Dead | Father Ted |
| Dead | Simon Said |
| Dead | Uncle Fred |
| Deaf | Mutt and Jeff |
| Deal | Ian Beale |
| Decks (turntables) | Posh ‘n Becks |
| Dice | Rats and Mice |
| Dick (penis) | Three Card Trick |
| Dictionary | Tom, Dick and Harry |
| Diet | Brixton Riot |
| Dinner | Jim Skinner |
| Dinner | John Skinner |
| Dinner | Lilley and Skinner |
| Dinner | Lilly and Skinner |
| Dinner | Michael Winner |
| Dock | Red sock |
| Doddle (easy or straight forward) | Glenn Hoddle |
| Dog | Cherry Hogg |
| Dole (welfare) | Ear’ole (Ear Hole) |
| Dole (welfare) | Nat King Cole |
| Dole (welfare) | Rock and Roll |
| Dole (welfare) | Sausage Roll |
| Dollar | Oxford Scholar |
| Door | George Bernard Shaw |
| Door | Henry Moore |
| Door | Roger Moore |
| Door | Rory O'Moore |
| Dope | Pope on the rope |
| Dope (marijuana) | Bob Hope |
| Dose | Half a Gross |
| Dozen | Monkey's cousin |
| Dozen | country cousin |
| Draft | George Raft |
| Drink | Kitchen Sink |
| Drink | Salvador Dali |
| Drink | Tiddley Wink |
| Drink | Tumble down the sink |
| Drink | Weakest Link |
| Dripping | Doctor Crippen |
| Drugs | Persian Rugs |
| Drunk | Elephant's Trunk |
| Drunk | Pie and Apple Chunk |
| Dump | Foot pump |
| Dump (shit) | Camel's Hump |
| Dump (shit) | Donald Trump |
| Dump (shit) | Forrest Gump |
| Dumps | Gravy lumps |
| Dyke (Lesbian) | Magnus Pike |
| Dyke (Lesbian) | Three Wheel Trike |
| Ear | King Lear |
| Early | Liz Hurley |
| Ears | Donald Peers |
| Ears | Lords and Peers |
| Ears | Ten Speed Gears |
| Easy | Bright and Breezy |
| Easy | Ham and Cheesy |
| Easy | Lemon Squeesy |
| Egg | Clothes Peg |
| Eighth | Henry |
| Elbow | Spanish Archer |
| Engineer | Ginger Beer |
| Erection | General Election |
| Evening Post | Beans on Toast |
| Evens (betting) | Major Stevens |
| Exam | Green eggs and ham |
| Eyes | Mince Pies |
| F**k | Donald Duck |
| Face | Boat Race |
| Face | Chevy Chase |
| Face | Drum and Bass |
| Faces | Airs and Graces |
| Facts | Brass Tacks |
| Fag (cigarette) | Cough and Drag |
| Fag (cigarette) | Harry Rag |
| Fag (cigarette) | Harry Wragg |
| Fag (cigarette) | Melvynn Bragg |
| Fag (cigarette) | Oily Rag |
| Fag (cigarette) | Toe-Rag |
| Fairy | Julian Clary |
| Fairy (Gay) | Canary |
| Fake | Ricki Lake |
| Fake | Sexton Blake |
| Fan | Frying Pan |
| Fanny | Auntie Annie |
| Fanny | Jack and Danny |
| Fanny | Jack 'n' Danny |
| Farmer (see usage) | Arnold Palmer |
| Farrahs (trousers) | Bow and Arrows |
| Fart | Apple Tart |
| Fart | D'Oyly Carte |
| Fart | Horse and Cart |
| Fart | Lionel Bart |
| Fart | Raspberry Tart |
| Farting | George Martin |
| Fault | Whiskey Malt |
| Favour | Cheesy Quaver |
| Fax | Nails and Tacks |
| Feel | Orange Peel |
| Feet | Plates of Meat |
| Fibs (lies) | Scott Gibbs |
| Fight | Read and Write |
| Fine | Calvin Klein |
| Fingers | Longers and Lingers |
| Fire | Jeremiah |
| Fire | Anna Maria |
| Fish | Lilian Gish |
| Fist | Oliver Twist |
| Five | Jacks alive |
| Fiver | Deep Sea Diver |
| Fiver | Pam Shriver |
| Fiver | Sky Diver |
| Fiver (5 pound note) | Lady Godiva |
| Flannel | Suez Canal |
| Flares (wide bottom trousers) | Lionel Blaire |
| Flash | Lemon Dash |
| Flash (natty) | Harry Dash |
| Floor | Rory O'Moore |
| Flower | Early Hour |
| Flowers | April Showers |
| Flush | Snow and Slush |
| Flying Squad | Sweeney Todd |
| Football Pools | April Fools |
| Fork | Duke of York |
| Fork | Roast Pork |
| Four of a Kind | Cheese rind |
| Garage | Steve Claridge |
| Gargle (drunk) | Arthur Scargill |
| Gas | Bottle of bass |
| Gay | Bale of Hay |
| Gay (homosexual) | Doctor Dre |
| Gay (homosexual) | Finlay Quaye |
| Gay (homosexual) | Ted Ray |
| Geezer | Fridge Freezer |
| Geezer | Ice Cream Freezer |
| Geezer | Julius Caesar |
| Geezer | Lemon Squeezer |
| Ghost | Pillar and Post |
| Giggles | Flight Lieutenant Biggles |
| Gin | Mother's Ruin |
| Gin | Needle and Pin |
| Gin | Nose and Chin |
| Gin | Vera Lynn |
| Gin and Tonic | Philharmonic |
| Gin and Tonic | Supersonic |
| Girl | L-Rig |
| Girl | Mother of Pearl |
| Girl | Ocean Pearl |
| Girl | Twist and Twirl |
| Girl Guide | Blushing Bride |
| Girlfriend | Lemon Curd |
| Giro | Nightboat to Cairo |
| Git (twit) | Strawberry Split |
| Gloves | Turtle Dove's |
| Go | Scapa Flow |
| Goal | Sausage Roll |
| Gob (mouth) | Gang and Mob |
| Good | Robin Hood |
| Gossip | Rex Mossop |
| Grand | Bag of Sand |
| Grapes | Planet of the Apes |
| Grass | Ernie Marsh |
| Grass (Informant) | Duck's Arse |
| Gravy | Army and Navy |
| Greek | Bubble and Squeak |
| Gregory Peck | Cheque |
| Grief | Omar Sharif |
| Gut | King Tut |
| Guts | Comic Cuts |
| Guts (stomach) | Newington Butts |
| Gutter | Bread and Butter |
| Gym | Fatboy Slim |
| Haddock | Fanny Craddock |
| Hair | Barnet Fair |
| Hair | Biffo the Bear |
| Hair | Bonney Fair |
| Hair | Fanny Blair |
| Hair | Fred Astaire |
| Hair | Tony Blair |
| Haircut | Chicker |
| Hairstyle | Tile |
| Half (a pint) | Cow and Calf |
| Ham | Uncle Sam |
| Hammer | Windjammer |
| Hand | Ivory Band |
| Hand | St. Martins-Le-Grand |
| Hands | German Bands |
| Hands | Jazz Bands |
| Hands | Rubber bands |
| Handy | Jack an' Dandy |
| Handy | Sugar Candy |
| Hanky | Widow Twanky |
| Harsh | Rodney Marsh |
| Hat | Tit for Tat |
| Head | Blood Red |
| Head | Crust of Bread |
| Head | Loaf of Bread |
| Head | Uncle Ned |
| Heart | Horse and Cart |
| Heart | Jam Tart |
| Heart | Strawberry Tart |
| Hell | Ding Dong Bell |
| Hell | Gypsy Nell |
| Hell | Jimmy Nail |
| hemorrhoid | Clement Freud |
| Hemorrhoids | Emma Freuds |
| Hill | Jack and Jill |
| Hole | Drum Roll |
| Home | Gates of Rome |
| Home | Pope in Rome |
| Hooker | One Time Looker |
| Hooter (nose) | Pea shooter |
| Horse | Bottle of Sauce |
| Horse | Charing Cross |
| Host | Pillar and Post |
| Hot | Auntie Dot |
| Hot | Peas in a Pot |
| House | Cat and Mouse |
| House | Mickey Mouse |
| Husband | Old Pot And Pan |
| I don't mind | Sans Fairy Ann |
| Ice | Anneka Rice |
| Ice | Vincent Price |
| Ice | White Mice |
| Ill | Jimmy Hill |
| Informant | Snout |
| Jacket | Desmond Hackett |
| Jacket | Tennis Racquet |
| Jail | Bucket and Pail |
| Jail | Ginger Ale |
| Jail | Rusty Nail |
| Jaw | jackdaw |
| Jean’s | Steve McQueens |
| Jeans | Dixie Deans |
| Jeans | Milton Keynes |
| Jeans | Runner Beans |
| Jesus Christ | Cheese and Rice |
| Jew | Five to Two |
| Jew | Four by Two |
| Jewellery | Tom Foolery |
| Job | Corn on the Cob |
| Job | Dog's Knob |
| Jock (Scot) | Sweaty Sock |
| Joke | Egg Yolk |
| Joke | Rum and Coke |
| Joke | Bushey Park |
| Judge | Barnaby Rudge |
| Judge | Chocolate Fudge |
| Judge | Inky Smudge |
| Keek | Mozambique |
| Kettle | Hansel and Gretel |
| Kettle | Stinging nettle |
| Key | Brenda Lee |
| Key | Jenny Lee |
| Keys | Bruce Lee’s |
| Keys | Dancing Fleas |
| Keys | John Cleese |
| Keys | Knobbly Knees |
| Kidney | Bo Diddley |
| Kidney | Sydney |
| Kids | Dustbin Lids |
| Kids | God Forbids |
| Kids | Saucepan Lids |
| Kids | Teapot Lids |
| Kids | Tin Lids |
| Kip | Jockey's whip |
| Kipper | Jack the Ripper |
| Kiss | hit and miss |
| Knackered | Christmas crackered |
| Knackered (tired) | Cream Crackered |
| Knackered (tired) | Kerry Packer |
| Knackers (testicles) | Jacobs Crackers |
| Knees | Biscuits and Cheese |
| Knees | Chips & Peas |
| Knickers | Alan Whickers |
| Knife | Drum and Fife |
| Knife and Fork | Drummond and Roce |
| Knob | Uncle Bob |
| Kraut (German) | Rainbow Trout |
| Labour | beggar my neighbour |
| Lager | Forsythe Saga |
| Lager | Mick Jagger |
| Lark | Noah's Ark |
| Lark | Bushey Park |
| Lark (fun) | Tufnell Park |
| Last | Present and Past |
| Late | Cilla Black |
| Late | Garden Gate |
| Late | Terry Waite |
| Later | Baked Potato |
| Later | Christian Slater |
| Later | Alligator |
| Lather | How's your father? |
| Laugh | Bobble Hat |
| Laugh | Bubble Bath |
| Laugh | Cows Calf |
| Laugh | Giraffe |
| Laugh | Steffi Graf |
| Laugh | Steffi Graf |
| Laugh | Tin Bath |
| Laugh | Turkish Bath |
| Laugh | Wally's Scarf |
| Laugh | Wooly Hat and Scarf |
| Laugh | You're having a Giraffe |
| Lavatory | Family Tree |
| Left Here | Van Gogh Ear |
| Leg | Mystic Meg |
| Legs | Bacon and Eggs |
| Legs | Ham and Eggs |
| Legs | Mumbley Pegs |
| Legs | Pins & Pegs |
| Legs | Scotch Pegs |
| Leicester Square | Euan Blair |
| Lesbian | West End Thespian |
| Liar | Bob Cryer |
| Liar | Dunlop Tyre |
| Liar | Holy Friar |
| Lies | Pork Pies |
| Life (term) | Porridge Knife |
| Light | Isle of Wight |
| Lighter | Kungfu Fighter |
| Lights | Ian Wrights |
| Liver | Cheerful Giver |
| Liver | Swanee River |
| Lodger | Artful Dodger |
| Look | Butcher's Hook |
| Look | Captain Cook |
| Loot (money) | Fibre of your fabric |
| Lost It | Kate Mossed It |
| Lot (Serving or share) | Hopping Pot |
| Love | Rubber Glove |
| Love | Turtle Dove |
| Luck | Donald Duck |
| Luck | Friar Tuck |
| Lunch | kidney punch |
| Mad | East Ham |
| Mad | Mum and Dad |
| Magistrate | Garden Gate |
| Mail | British Rail |
| Marge | Little and Large |
| Mark | Finsbury Park |
| Marker (pen) | Ronnie Barker |
| Married | Cash and Carried |
| Match | Itch and Scratch |
| Matches | Cuts and Scratches |
| Mate | China Plate |
| Mate | Garden Gate |
| Mate | Ocean |
| M'Darlin | Barney Marlin |
| Meat Pie | Dog's Eye |
| Meetin' (meeting) | Buster Keaton |
| Mental | Radio Rental |
| Mental (crazy) | Chicken Oriental |
| Merry | Tom and Jerry |
| Mess | Elliot Ness |
| Mess | Slits in a Dress |
| Middle | Hey Diddle Diddle |
| Milk | Acker Bilk |
| Mind | Chinese Blind |
| Minge | Edinburgh Fringe |
| Mini | Fat and Skinny |
| mint | Murray |
| Minute | cock linnet |
| Miss | Cuddle and Kiss |
| Misses | Plates and Dishes |
| Missus | Cheese & Kisses |
| Missus (Mrs) | Love and Kisses |
| Moan | Darby and Joan |
| Money | Ackers |
| Money | Bees and Honey |
| Money | Bread and Honey |
| Money | Bugs Bunny |
| Mormon | Jerry O'Gorman |
| Morning | Gipsy's Warning |
| Motor (car) | Haddock and Bloater |
| Mouth | North and South |
| Mug (chump) | Toby Jug |
| Mug (fool) | Steam Tug |
| Nail | monkey's tail |
| Nark | Grass in the Park |
| Navy | Soup and Gravy |
| Neck | Bushel and Peck |
| Neck | Gregory Peck |
| Nerves | West Ham Reserves |
| Nice | Chicken and Rice |
| Nick (prison) | Shovel and Pick |
| Nightmare | Lionel Blaire |
| Nightmare | Weston-Super-Mare |
| Nipple | Raspberry Ripple |
| Nippy | Bungle & Zippy |
| Nippy (cold) | George and Zippy |
| Noise | Box of Toys |
| Noise | Girls and Boys |
| Nose | Bugle |
| Nose | Fireman's Hose |
| Nose | I Suppose |
| Nose | Irish Rose |
| Nothing | Nix/Nixies |
| Numbers | Cucumbers |
| Nun | Current Bun |
| Nun | Hot Cross Bun |
| Obscene | James Dean |
| Off | Frank Bough |
| Old Man (Father) | Pot and Pan |
| Old man (husband) | Pot and Pan |
| On My Own | Toblerone |
| On your own | Todd Sloane |
| Organ | Molly O'Morgan |
| Out of Order | Allan Border |
| Overcoat | I'm Afloat |
| Own | Jack Jones |
| Paddy | Tea Caddy |
| Pager | John Major |
| Pakistani | Bacon Sarnie |
| Pakistani | Reg Varney |
| Pants | Adam Ant |
| Pants | Alans |
| Paper (newspaper) | Linen Draper |
| Park | Light and Dark |
| Park | Noah's Ark |
| Park | Plimsoll Mark |
| Parking Warden | Gay Gordon |
| Party | Gay & Hearty |
| Party | Moriarty |
| Party | Russell Harty |
| Pawn (as in-pawn) | Bullock's Horn |
| Peas | John Cleese |
| Peas | Knobbly Knees |
| Pee | Ken Smee |
| Pee / Wee | Fiddle De Dee |
| Peelers (police) | Pittsburgh Steelers |
| Peice (lunch) | Merlyn Rees |
| Penny | Abergavenny |
| Pension | Shawshank Redemption |
| Philharmonic | Tonic |
| Phone | Dog and Bone |
| Phone | Eau de cologne |
| Phone | Herring bone |
| Phone | Strawberry Rhone |
| Phone | Trombone |
| Piano | Joanna |
| Pickle | Harvey Nichol |
| Pictures | Dolly Mixtures |
| Piddle (urinate) | Jimmy Riddle |
| Pigs (Police) | Pork Chops |
| Piles | Duke of Argyles |
| Piles | metric miles |
| Piles | Michael Miles |
| Piles | Nuremberg Trials |
| Piles (hemorrhoids) | Chalfont St Giles |
| Piles (hemorrhoids) | Farmer Giles |
| Piles (hemorrhoids) | Nobby Stiles |
| Piles (hemorrhoids) | Rockford Files |
| Piles (hemorrhoids) | Sieg Heils |
| Piles (hemorrhoids) | Slay 'em in the aisles |
| Pill | Jimmy Hill |
| Pill (birth control) | Jack and Jill |
| Pill (Contraceptive) | Fanny Hill |
| Pillow | Tit Willow |
| Pillow | Weeping Willow |
| Pills | Benny Hills |
| Pills | Mick Mills |
| Pills | Scott Mills |
| Pinch (steal) | Half Inch |
| Pinched | Half inched |
| Pipe | Cherry Ripe |
| Pish | Lillian Gish |
| Pish | Single Fish |
| Piss | Arthur Bliss |
| Piss | Gypsy's Kiss |
| Piss | Hit and Miss |
| Piss | Snake's hiss |
| Piss (Make fun of) | Mickey Bliss |
| Piss (Urinate) | French Kiss |
| Pissed | Adrian Quist |
| Pissed (drunk) | Brahms and Liszt |
| Pissed (drunk) | Oliver Twist |
| Pissed (drunk) | Schindlers List |
| Pissed (drunk) | Scotch Mist |
| Pistol | Lady from Bristol |
| Pitch (Stall or Stand) | Hedge and Ditch |
| Planner | Elsie Tanner |
| Please | Hairy knees |
| Plonk (Wine) | Plink |
| Pocket | Lucy Locket |
| Pocket | Sky Rocket |
| Poke | Okey Doke |
| Police | Gavvers |
| Police | Old Bill |
| Police | Scuffers |
| Ponce | Charlie Ronce |
| Ponce | Alphonse |
| Pong (smell) | Hum & Song |
| Pony (25 pound) | Macaroni |
| Poof (homosexual) | Iron Hoof |
| Poor | on the floor |
| Pork | Mickey Rourke |
| Porn | Frankie Vaughan |
| Porn | Johnny Vaughn |
| Pots | Norman Watts |
| Pounds (currency) | Quid |
| Pounds (currency) | Sovs |
| Pox | Cardboard Box |
| Pox | Holly Hox |
| Prat | Paper Hat |
| Prat | Prairie Hat |
| Prawn | Frankie Vaughan |
| Prayer | Weavers' Chair |
| Pregnant | Keith (Chegwin) |
| Prick | Hampton Wick |
| Pride | Jekyll and Hyde |
| Priest | Bag of Yeast |
| Priest | Far East |
| Printer | Bernie Winter |
| Prison | Boom and Mizzen |
| Prison Officer | Screw |
| Pub | Nuclear Sub |
| Pub | Rub-a-dub-dub |
| Pube (pubic hair) | Rubric's Cube |
| Puff (marijuana) | Mickey Duff |
| Punters | Billies Bunter |
| Punters | Hillman Hunters |
| Punters | Wheeltappers and Shunters |
| Quarter | Farmer's Daughter |
| Quarter | Glass of Water |
| Queen (Elizabeth II) | Baked Bean |
| Queer | Chelsea Pier |
| Queer (homosexual) | Brighton Pier |
| Queer (homosexual) | King Lear |
| Queer (odd) | Ginger Beer |
| Queue | Bernard Matthew |
| Quid | Bin Lid |
| Quid | Ocean Going Squid |
| Quid | Teapot Lid |
| Rabbits | Nuns 'n Habits |
| Racing Post | Holy Ghost |
| Rail | Toby Ale |
| Rain | Andy Cain |
| Rain | Pleasure and Pain |
| Rally | Manchester Scally |
| Randy | Mahatma Ghandi |
| Rave (dance) | Comedy Dave |
| Raver | Cheese Gratter |
| Raw | Bale of Straw |
| Readies (cash) | Duane Eddies |
| Readies (pound notes) | Nelson Eddy's |
| Reasons | Four Seasons |
| Reek | Ancient Greek |
| Rent | Burton on Trent |
| Rent | Duke of Kent |
| Ride | Charlie Pride |
| Right | Isle of Wight |
| Ring | Highland Fling |
| Ring on Finger | Ling and Linger |
| River | Shake and Shiver |
| Road | Frog and Toad |
| Road | Kermit |
| Rookie | Biscuit and Cookie |
| Rothmans | Dustins Hoffman |
| Rotten | Dot Cotton |
| Rotten | Reels of Cotton |
| Rough | Brian Clough |
| Row (argument) | Barn Owl |
| Row (argument) | Bull and Cow |
| Rum | Finger and Thumb |
| Rum | Tom Thumb |
| Sack | last card in the pack |
| Sack | tic tac |
| Sack (fired) | Tin Tack |
| Saloon Bar | Balloon Car |
| Sarnie (Sandwich) | Georgio Armani |
| Sauce | Dead Horse |
| Sauce | Rocking Horse |
| Saucer | Geoffrey Chaucer |
| Saw | bear's paw |
| Scar | Mars Bar |
| Scooby Doo | Shoe |
| Score | Bobby Moore |
| Score | Hampden Roar |
| Score (£20) | Apple Core |
| Scot | Sweaty Sock |
| Scotch | Pimple and Botch |
| Scotch (Whisky) | Gold Watch |
| Scouse | Mickey Mouse |
| Scouts | Brussel Sprouts |
| Scram | Cheese & Ham |
| Scran (food) | Jackie Chan |
| Sea | Housemaid's Knee |
| Seen | Pearly Queen |
| Sense | Eighteen Pence |
| Severn Bridge | Hotpoint Fridge |
| Sex | Posh ‘n Becks |
| Shabby | Westminster Abbey |
| Shag | Zig and Zag |
| Shagged | Melvyn Bragged |
| Shark | Noah's Ark |
| Shave | All Night Rave |
| Shave | Chas and Dave |
| Shave | Dig in the Grave |
| Sheila | Four Wheeler |
| Shifty | Nifty n Frifty |
| Ship | 'appeny dip |
| Shirt | Dicky Dirt |
| Shirt | Uncle Bert |
| Shit | Brad Pitt |
| Shit | Eartha Kitt |
| Shit | Gravel and grit |
| Shit | Tom Tit |
| Shit | Two Bob Bit |
| Shite | Ben Cartwright |
| Shite | Turkish Delight |
| Shite (shit) | Barry White |
| Shit's | San Moritz |
| Shits (diarrhoea) | Two-Bob Bits |
| Shitter | Light and bitter |
| Shitter | Mavis Fritter |
| Shitter (rectum) | Council Gritter |
| Shitter (rectum) | Gary Glitter |
| Shitter (toilet or rectum) | Rick Whitter |
| Shocker | Barry Crocker |
| Shocker | Constantino Rocca |
| Shoe | How d'you Do |
| Shoes | Canoes |
| Shoes | Dinky Doos |
| Shoes | One and two's |
| Shoes | Ones and Twos |
| Shoes | Rhythm and Blues |
| Shoes | Yabba-Dabba-Doo |
| Shop | Lollipop |
| Shoulder | Spark and Smoulder |
| Shout | Brussel Sprout |
| Shout (round) | Wally Grout |
| Shovel | Lord Lovel |
| Shower | David Gower |
| Shower | Eiffel Tower |
| Shower | Telecom Tower |
| Sick | Bobby & Dick |
| Sick | Moby Dick |
| Sick | Pat and Mick |
| Sick | Spotted Dick |
| Sick | Tom and Dick |
| Sick | Uncle Dick |
| Sight | Website |
| Silly | Auntie Lily |
| Silly | Daffy Down Dilly |
| Silly | Piccadilly |
| Silly | Uncle Willy |
| Simple | Dolly Dimple |
| Sister | Skin and Blister |
| Sister | Sock and Blister |
| Six | chopsticks |
| Sixty-six | clickety click |
| Skin (cigarette paper) | Vera Lynn |
| Skint | Bernie Flint |
| Skint | Lamb & Mint |
| Skint | Murray-mint |
| Skint (broke) | Borassic Lint |
| Skive | Duck and Dive |
| Skunk | Tree trunk |
| Slag (prostitute) | Toe Rag |
| Slang (Cockney Rhyming) | Matheson Lang |
| Slap | Watford Gap |
| Slash | Charlie Nash |
| Slash | Mark Ramprakash |
| Slash | Pat Cash |
| Slash (piss) | Pie and Mash |
| Slaughtered | Son 'n Daughter'd |
| Sleep | Bo-Peep |
| Sleep | Meryl Streep |
| Slippers | Big Dippers |
| Slippers | Kippers |
| Smell | Aunt Nell |
| Smile | Carpet Pile |
| Snake | Joe Blake |
| Sneeze | Bread and Cheese |
| Snide | Jeckyll and Hyde |
| Snout (cigarette) | Salmon and Trout |
| Snout (cigarette) | Salmon and Trout |
| Snouts (Cigarettes) | Ins and Outs |
| Soap | Band of Hope |
| Soap | Bob Hope |
| Soap | Cape of Good Hope |
| Soap | Faith and Hope |
| Socks | Almond Rocks |
| Socks | Goldie Locks (Goldies) |
| Socks | Tilbury Docks |
| Son | Currant Bun |
| Son | Hot Cross Bun |
| Song | Ding Dong |
| Sores | Dudley Moore's |
| Soup | Loop de Loop |
| Spanner (wrench) | Elsie Tanner |
| Sparrow | Bow and Arrow |
| Spatula | Horace Batchelor |
| Specs (spectacles) | Gregory Peck |
| Specs [Spectacles) | Mikkel Becks |
| Spine | Lager and Lime |
| Splinter | Alan Minter |
| Spoon | Daniel Boone |
| Spoon | David Boon |
| Spoon | Man on the Moon |
| Spot (acne) | Randolph Scott |
| Spouse | Boiler House |
| Sprouts | Twist and Shouts |
| Spuds | Roy Hudd's |
| Spunk (semen) | Harry Monk |
| Stains | Michael Caines |
| Stairs | Apples and Pears |
| Stairs | Daisy Dancers |
| Stairs | Dancing Bears |
| Star | Lah-di-dah |
| Starved | Pear Halved |
| Starvin' | Hank Marvin |
| Starvin' | Lee Marvin |
| State (anguish) | Two and Eight |
| Steak | Joe Blake |
| Steak | Kate |
| Steak and Kidney | Kate and Sydney |
| Stella | Yuri Geller |
| Stella (Artois) | Keith Deller |
| Stella (beer) | Nelson Mandelas |
| Stella (beer) | Paul Weller |
| Stella Artois (beer) | Ooh Aah |
| Stellas (beers) | David Mellors |
| Stench | Dame Judy Dench |
| Stew | Battle of Waterloo |
| Still | Beecham's Pill |
| Stilsons (Pipe Wrenches) | Harold Wilson's |
| Stink | Pen and Ink |
| Stinkin | Abraham Lincoln |
| Stool | April fool |
| Story | Jackanory |
| Stranger | Glasgow Ranger |
| Stranger | Queen’s Park Ranger |
| Stranger | Texas Ranger |
| Straw | Ali McGraw |
| Stray | Gamma Ray |
| Street | Field of Wheat |
| Strides (trousers) | Donkey Rides |
| Strides [trousers) | Jekyll and Hydes |
| Stripper | Jack the Ripper |
| Strong | Ping Pong |
| Sub | Rubber Dub |
| Sub (pay advance) | Rub a Dub |
| Subaru | Scooby-Doo |
| Suit | Bag of Fruit |
| Suit | Bowl of Fruit |
| Suit | Tin Flute |
| Suit | Whistle and Flute |
| Sun | Current Bun |
| Suntan | Desperate Dan |
| Supersonic | Gin and Tonic |
| Supper | Tommy Tucker |
| Sure | Bobby Moore |
| Suspenders | No Surrenders |
| Swear | Lord Mayor |
| Sydney | Steak & kidney |
| Table | Betty Grable |
| Table | Cain and Abel |
| Tablets (Ecstasy) | Gary Abblets |
| Tail | Alderman's Nail |
| Tailor | Sinbad the Sailor |
| Tale | Daily Mail |
| Talk | Bunny |
| Talk | Rabbit and Pork |
| Talker | Murray Walker |
| Tan | Charlie Chan |
| Tan | Peter Pan |
| Tanner | Lord of the Manor |
| Tanner (sixpence) | Sprarsy Anna |
| Tart | Kick Start |
| Tart | Treacle |
| Tax | Candle Wax |
| Taxi | Joe Baxi |
| Tea | Half Past Three |
| Tea | Rosy Lea |
| Tea | You and Me |
| Teeth | Bexley Heath |
| Teeth | Edward Heath |
| Teeth | Hampstead Heath |
| Telly | Ned Kelly |
| Telly | Roger Nellie |
| Telly | Wobbly Jelly |
| Telly (TV) | Custard and Jelly |
| Telly (TV) | Liza Minelli |
| Ten | Big Ben |
| Ten | Cock and Hen |
| Tenner | Ayrton Senna |
| Tenner | Cockle |
| Tenner (£10) | Paul McKenna |
| Tenner (10 pound note) | Louise Wener |
| Testicles | Barnacle Bills |
| Thank-you | Sandshoe |
| Thief | Tea Leaf |
| Thieving | Tea Leafing |
| Thirst | Geoff Hurst |
| Throat | Billy Goat |
| Throat | John O’Groat |
| Throat | Nanny Goat |
| Ticket | Bat and Wicket |
| Ticket | Wilson Picket |
| Tie | Peckham Rye |
| Tights | Fly-by-Nights |
| Till | Jack and Jill |
| Till (Cash register) | Jack & Jill |
| Time | Bird Lime |
| Time | Grease and Grime |
| Time | Harry Lime |
| Tips (Gratuities) | Fish and Chips |
| Tit (breast) | Brad Pitt |
| Tits | First Aid Kits |
| Tits (breasts) | Ballroom Blitz |
| Tits (breasts) | Brace and Bits |
| Tits (breasts) | Eartha Kitts |
| Tits (breasts) | Fainting Fits |
| Tits (breasts) | Thr'penny Bit |
| Titties (breasts) | Bristol Cities |
| Titty (breast) | Walter Mitty |
| Toast | Holy Ghost |
| Toast | Mickey Most |
| Toaster | Roller Coaster |
| Tock | Tick |
| Toe | Sebastion Coe |
| Toes | Bromley by bow's |
| Toilet | Trap One |
| Tomato Sauce | Dead Ross |
| Tongue | Brigham Young |
| Tonic | Supersonic |
| Tool | April fool |
| Tools | Crown Jewels |
| Tools | Judge Jules |
| Toss | Kate Moss |
| Tosser | Dental Flosser |
| Tote | canal boat |
| Tow | Edgar Alan Poe |
| Towel | Peter Powell |
| Towers | David Gowers |
| Town | Joe Brown |
| Train | John Wayne |
| Train | Michael Caine |
| Trainers (running shoes) | Claire Rayners |
| Trainers (running shoes) | Gloria Gaynors |
| Tramp (hobo) | Paraffin Lamp |
| Tramp (hobo) | Thirteen Amp |
| Trouble | Barney Rubble |
| Trousers | Callards |
| Trousers | Lards |
| Trousers | Lesley Crowthers |
| Trousers | Round the Houses |
| True | Eyes of Blue |
| Trunks | Chipmunks |
| Tube (underground) | Oxo cube |
| Turd (shit) | Douglas Hurd |
| Turd (shit) | Richard the Third |
| Turkey | Pinky and Perky |
| Twenty-two | Dinky Do |
| Twig | Earwig |
| Tyres | Dorothy Squires |
| Ugly | Fugly |
| Ugly Face | Cambridge and Oxford |
| Umbrella | Auntie Ella |
| Undies | Eddie Grundies |
| Undies | Reg Grundies |
| Van | Bread & Jam |
| VAT (value added tax) | Vodka and Tonic |
| Veg | Uncle Reg |
| Vegan | Kevin Keegan |
| Veggie | Ronnie & Reggie (Kray) |
| Vest | East and West |
| Vicar | Pie and Liquor |
| Voda (mobile phone) | Whiskey and Soda |
| Voice | Hobsons Choice |
| Vomit | Wallace and Gromit |
| Wager (bet) | John Major |
| Wages | Cat and Cages |
| Wages | Greengages |
| Walk | Ball of Chalk |
| Wank | Barclays Bank |
| Wank | Jodrell Bank |
| Wank | Tom Tank |
| Wank (masturbate) | J. Arthur Rank |
| Wank (masturbate) | Midland Bank |
| Wank (masturbate) | Peddle and Crank |
| Wank (masturbate) | Sherman Tank |
| Wank (masturbate) | Tommy Tank |
| Wanker | Kuwaity Tanker |
| Wanker | Merchant Banker |
| Wanker | Ravi Shankar |
| Wash | Bob Squash |
| Watch | Gordon & Gotch |
| Watch (fob watch) | Kettle and Hob |
| Water | Darling Daughter |
| Water | Fisherman's Daughter |
| Water | Ten Furlongs (Mile and a quarter) |
| Web Site | Wind and Kite |
| Weed | Harris Tweed |
| Weed | Shannon Tweed |
| Week | Bubble and Squeak |
| Weight | Pieces of Eight |
| Wench | Monkey Wrench |
| Wench | Tramp on a bench |
| Whisky | Gay and Frisky |
| Whore | Doug McClure |
| Whore | Roger Moore |
| Wife | Bread knife |
| Wife | Duchess of Fife |
| Wife | Fork and Knife |
| Wife | Trouble and Strife |
| Wig | Irish Jig |
| Wig | Syrup of Figs |
| Window | Burnt Cinder |
| Windshield Wiper | Billie Piper |
| Windy | Mork and Mindy |
| Wine | Porcupine |
| Wood | Do me Good |
| Word | Dicky Bird |
| Work | Captain Kirk |
| Work | Dunkirk |
| Work | Kathy Burke |
| Worries | Fred McMurrays |
| Wrong | Falun Gong |
| Wrong | Pete Tong |
| Yank | Septic Tank |
| Yank | Sherman Tank |
| Yank | Wooden Plank |
| Yanks | Ham Shanks |
| Yanks | Petrol Tanks |
| Yawn | Johnny Vaughn |
| Years | Donkey's Ears |
| Yid (Jew) | Front Wheel Skid |
| Zits | Candlesticks |
