|
 A |
| Abergavenny | Penny | |
| Abraham Lincoln | Stinkin | |
| Acker Bilk | Milk | Would you like Acker in your coffee? Acker Bilk (born Bernard Stanley Bilk) was born in 1929 is a master of the clarinet and leader of the Paramount Jazz Band. Interestingly, his nickname Acker is a Somerset term meaning friend or mate |
| Ackers | Money | |
| Adam and Eve | Believe | I don't Adam and Eve it! [Usually full slang expression is used] |
| Adam Ant | Pants | Get your adam's on |
| Adrian Quist | Pissed | |
| Airs and Graces | Faces | |
| Airs and Graces | Braces | He's got his new airs on. |
| Alan Minter | Splinter | Picked up this wood and got a terrible Alan in me finger. Alan Minter is a British boxer with a current record of 39-9 (23 by KO)] |
| Alan Whickers | Knickers | The 'lastics gone in me alans. Alan Whicker used to host a TV programme called Whickers World |
| Alans | Pants | |
| Alderman's Nail | Tail | He's always wagging his alderman's. |
| Ali McGraw | Straw | |
| All Night Rave | Shave | |
| All Time Loser | Boozer | |
| Allan Border | Out of Order | He's bang Allan. used when someone does something to another person that is not looked upon favourably. Allan Border was the Australian cricket captain in the late 80's/early 90's so we now have our first example of international rhyming slang. |
| Alligator | Later | |
| Almond Rocks | Socks | Wouldn't it be nice if your almonds matched? |
| Alphonse | Ponce | |
| Ancient Greek | Reek | |
| Andy Cain | Rain | |
| Anna Maria | Fire | |
| Anneka Rice | Ice | |
| 'appeny dip | Ship | |
| Apple Core | Score (£20) | I gave me last apple to that old paraffin. |
| Apple Fritter | Bitter (beer) | I've tried that new apple but I prefer my salmon [Salmon and trout - stout]. |
| Apple Tart | Fart | |
| Apples and Pears | Stairs | Get yourself up the apples. |
| April fool | Stool | |
| April fool | Tool | |
| April Fools | Football Pools | |
| April in Paris | Arse | I'm 'aving terrible trouble with me April How can such a simple word have so many convoluted references? April in Paris -> Aris (from Aristotle -> bottle which is from bottle and glass -> arse.) |
| April Showers | Flowers | I forgot it was my anniversary, so I picked some aprils on the way home. |
| Archer | 2000 | |
| Are you George? | Are you sure? | |
| Aris | Arse | |
| Aristotle | Bottle | If you want milk, put the Ari on the doorstep. Every now and again they throw a curve at you. One person has suggested that, not being familiar with Aristotle, early Cockney's might have assumed the name was Harry Stottle! |
| Army and Navy | Gravy | Can I have some army for my mashed? |
| Arnold Palmer | Farmer (see usage) | e's a right Arnold. I love this one - it refers to a golfer who spends a lot of time in the long grass around a course |
| Artful Dodger | Lodger | She's taken in an artful to help pay the way. |
| Arthur Ashe | Cash | That blokes not short of Arthur |
| Arthur Bliss | Piss | I'm just popping out for an Arthur .Arthur Bliss was a famous English composer (1891-1975). |
| Arthur Scargill | Gargle (drunk) | e's right Authur'd |
| Ascot Races | Braces | |
| Aunt Nell | Smell | He don't half Aunt Nell |
| Auntie Annie | Fanny | She's just sitting at home on her Auntie Annie |
| Auntie Dot | Hot | |
| Auntie Ella | Umbrella | Wonderful - it's starting to rain and me without my Auntie Ella. |
| Auntie Lily | Silly | |
| Auntie Nellie | Belly | I punched him in the Auntie but he didn't even notice. |
| Ayrton Senna | Tenner | ere, lend us an aryton me old china. Ayrton Senna was a Formula One driver |
| B |
| Babbling Brook | Crook | He's always on the babble. Meaning he's always planning something crooked. See also Cook. |
| Babbling Brook | Cook | My missus couldn't babble to save her life. See also Crook. |
| Bacon and Eggs | Legs | Lovely set of bacons. |
| Bacon Rind | Blind | Are you completely bacon? |
| Bacon Sarnie | Pakistani | They've hired a new bloke at the shop - he's a bacon. Sarnie is a slang term for sandwich (and if you haven't eaten a cold bacon sandwich you haven't lived. |
| Bag of Fruit | Suit | |
| Bag of Sand | Grand | He owes me a bag. |
| Bag of Yeast | Priest | |
| Baked Bean | Queen (Elizabeth II) | |
| Baked Potato | Later | I'll see ya baked. |
| Baker's Dozen | Cousin | |
| Bale of Hay | Gay | Don't bother Britany - he's bale. |
| Bale of Straw | Raw | |
| Ball of Chalk | Walk | After a heavy meal I like quick ball round the square. |
| Balloon Car | Saloon Bar | I'll be at the balloon. |
| Ballroom Blitz | Tits (breasts) | She's got marvellous ballrooms. Ballroom Blitz is a song by a group named Sweet. |
| Band of Hope | Soap | |
| Bangers and Mash | Cash | I knew his cheques were dodgy, so I got him to pay me in bangers. |
| Bar | 1000000 | |
| Barclays Bank | Wank | He's having a barclays. |
| Barn Owl | Row (argument) | Went up to the dole office today. 'Ad a bit of a barney with the geezer behind the desk. Not satisfied with the slang, the word is extended to 'Barney' to thoroughly confuse everyone. |
| Barnaby Rudge | Judge | I'm up in front of the Barnaby tomorrow morning. |
| Barnacle Bills | Testicles | |
| Barnet Fair | Hair | She must be going out - she's got her Barnet done. |
| Barney Marlin | M'Darlin | |
| Barney Rubble | Trouble | Stay away from him. He's really Barney. |
| Barry Crocker | Shocker | |
| Barry Mcguigan | Biggun (big one) | |
| Barry White | Shite (shit) | I need a Barry White. |
| Basil Fawlty | Balti | |
| Basil Fawlty | 40 | |
| Basin of Gravy | Baby | |
| Bat and Wicket | Ticket | I've got a bat for tonight's train. |
| Battle Cruiser | Boozer (liquor store) | I've got to get to the battle before I go to the party. |
| Battle of Waterloo | Stew | |
| Bazaar | Bar | |
| Beans on Toast | Evening Post | Go and buy the beans on toast will you son. |
| bear's paw | Saw | |
| Bed and Breakfast | 26 | |
| Beecham's Pill | Bill (statement) | I got my Beecham's from the tax people. |
| Beecham's Pill | Still | |
| Bees and Honey | Money | Can't go in there without any bees. |
| Bee's Knees | Business | |
| beggar my neighbour | Labour | |
| Ben Cartwright | Shite | |
| Bended Knees | Cheese | |
| Bengal Lancer | Chancer (someone not qualified) | News paper adds would state no bengal lancers when advertising for tradesmen. |
| Benny Hills | Pills | |
| Berlin Walls | Balls | Me pants are too tight and making me berlins wobbly. |
| Bernard Matthew | Queue | |
| Bernie Flint | Skint | |
| Bernie Winter | Printer | |
| Betty Grable | Table | |
| Bexley Heath | Teeth | |
| Biffo the Bear | Hair | Me biffo's not looking the best today. Biffo the Bear was on the cover of Beano from 1948 to 1974. |
| Big Ben | Ten | |
| Big Dippers | Slippers | |
| Bill Murray | Curry | |
| Billie Jean | Clean | |
| Billie Piper | Windshield Wiper | |
| Billies Bunter | Punters | |
| Billy Goat | Throat | I've got a sore billy goat. |
| Bin Lid | Quid | |
| Bird Lime | Time | What's the bird? |
| Bird's Nest | Chest | I had to punch him in the bird's nest. |
| Biscuit and Cookie | Rookie | |
| Biscuit Tin | Chin | He's got a big biscuit. |
| Biscuits and Cheese | Knees | I've been on my biscuits all day. |
| bladder of lard | Card | |
| Blood Red | Head | She likes to give blood. |
| Blushing Bride | Girl Guide | |
| Bo Diddley | Kidney | Me bo's are giving me gyp. |
| Boat Race | Face | Nice legs, shame about the boat. Also a good song by The Monks. |
| Bob | 1 Shilling (5 pence) | |
| Bob Cryer | Liar | Shut up you Bob - yer talking out yer aris. Sergeant Bob Cryer is a character in "The Bill". |
| Bob Hope | Dope (marijuana) | I think he's been smoking a bit of Bob Hope. |
| Bob Hope | Soap | |
| Bob McNab | Cab | |
| Bob Squash | Wash | |
| Bobble Hat | Laugh | |
| Bobby & Dick | Sick | |
| Bobby Moore | Sure | |
| Bobby Moore | Score | You know the Bobby. Bobby Moore was a great footballer who died in 1993. |
| Boiler House | Spouse | Me boiler's always yammerin' on. |
| Bonney Fair | Hair | She's got beautiful shiny bonney. |
| Boom and Mizzen | Prison | e's off to the boom for a bit. |
| Bo-Peep | Sleep | What I need is a good bo-peep. |
| Borassic Lint | Skint (broke) | He's right boric. |
| Boris Karloff | Cough | That's a nasty old boris you've got there son. |
| Boris the Bold | Cold | |
| Born and Bred | Bed | |
| Bottle and Glass | Arse | I gave him a good kick up the bottle. |
| Bottle and Glass | Class | |
| Bottle and Stopper | Copper (Police Officer) | |
| Bottle of bass | Gas | |
| Bottle of Glue | 2 | |
| Bottle of porter | Daughter | |
| Bottle of Sauce | Horse | |
| Bottles and Stoppers | Coppers (police) | Blimey - I think the bottles are on to me! |
| Boutrous Gali | Charlie (cocaine) | |
| Bow and Arrow | Sparrow | Little bow and arrow fell out of the nest. Usually the full slang expression is used. |
| Bow and Arrow | Barrow | |
| Bow and Arrows | Farrahs (trousers) | Nice pair of bow and arrows. Use your best Cockney accent here. |
| Bowl of Fruit | Suit | Are you wearing your bowl of fruit tonight? |
| Bowler Hat | Chat | Let's get together for a bowler. |
| Box of Toys | Noise | Hold your box - they can hear you miles away! |
| Brace and Bits | Tits (breasts) | Blimey - what a brace! |
| Brad Pitt | Shit | I right need a Brad Pitt. |
| Brad Pitt | Tit (breast) | Nice pair of brads. |
| Brahms and Liszt | Pissed (drunk) | He's well Brahms and Liszt , don't give him any more to drink. |
| Brass Tacks | Facts | Ere, you've got your brass wrong! |
| Bread & Jam | Van | |
| Bread and Butter | Gutter | Found him laying in the bread and butter. Usually full slang expression is used. |
| Bread and Cheese | Sneeze | I hate allergies - one good bread after another. |
| Bread and Honey | Money | Let's drink with him - he's got bread. This one has enjoyed very common usage. |
| Bread knife | Wife | |
| Brenda Lee | Key | Where's me brenda's? |
| Brian Clough | Rough | |
| Bricks and Mortar | Daughter | |
| Brigham Young | Tongue | |
| Bright and Breezy | Easy | |
| Brighton Pier | Queer (homosexual) | That blokes a bit of a Brighton. |
| Briney Marlin | Darlin' | You look lovely tonight, me old briney. |
| Bristol Cities | Titties (breasts) | She's got a lovely pair of Bristols. |
| Bristol Pistol | Brassiere | |
| British Rail | Mail | |
| Brittney Spears | Beers | ow about a Brittney? |
| Brixton Riot | Diet | |
| Bromley by bow's | Toes | |
| Brown Bread | Dead | I'm telling you, mate. He's brown bread |
| Bruce Lee's | Keys | Have you seen me brucies? |
| Brussel Sprout | Shout | |
| Brussel Sprouts | Scouts | He's always been a brussel. |
| Bubble and Squeak | Greek | E's not a bad bloke for a bubble. Bubble and squeak is a uniquely British dish of fried mashed potatoes and something green (usually cabbage, but left over brussel sprouts work well) |
| Bubble and Squeak | Week | |
| Bubble Bath | Laugh | You're 'avin a bubble aren't ya? |
| Bucket and Pail | Jail | One drink too many and I get seven days in the bucket. |
| Bugle | Nose | |
| Bugs Bunny | Money | I've got some Bugs bunny in me sky rocket and I'm off down the rub-a-dub-dub. |
| Bull and Cow | Row (argument) | Had a right bull with my misses last night. |
| Bullock's Horn | Pawn (as in-pawn) | |
| Bungle & Zippy | Nippy | |
| Bunny | Talk | |
| Burnt Cinder | Window | Close the bloody burnt. This works if you mispronounce window... winda - and cinder... cinda as any good Englishman would. |
| Burton on Trent | Rent | They've raised my burton again. |
| Bushel and Peck | Neck | He's got a bushel like tree trunk. |
| Bushey Park | Joke | |
| Bushey Park | Lark | |
| Buster Keaton | Meetin' (meeting) | We'll see you at the Buster. |
| Butcher's Hook | Look | Here - take a butcher's at this. |
| C |
| Cab Rank | Bank | I won't be long - just going to the cab rank. |
| Cadbury's (snack) | Back | |
| Cain and Abel | Table | Sit yourself at the cain and I'll bring you your Tommy (Tommy Tucker - supper). |
| Callards | Trousers | |
| Calvin Klein | 9 | |
| Calvin Klein | Fine | I'm calvin today. |
| Cambridge and Oxford | Ugly Face | |
| Camel's Hump | Dump (shit) | Just going for a quick camels. |
| Can of Oil | Boil | e'd be nice looking once his canov's clear up. |
| canal boat | Tote | |
| Canary | Fairy (Gay) | |
| Candle Wax | Tax | |
| Candlesticks | Zits | |
| Canoes | Shoes | |
| Cape of Good Hope | Soap | Go wash yourself - and use the cape. |
| Captain Cook | Look | |
| Captain Hook | Book | I've read this captain. |
| Captain Kirk | Work | |
| Cardboard Box | Pox | |
| Carpet | 3 | |
| Carpet Pile | Smile | |
| Cash and Carried | Married | Poor bloke got cashed on the weekend. |
| Cat and Cages | Wages | |
| Cat and Dog | Bog (Toilet) | |
| Cat and Mouse | House | Went 'round to his cat to wake him up. |
| Century | 100 | |
| Chalfont St Giles | Piles (hemorrhoids) | Me chalfonts are playing up. |
| Chalk Farm | Arm | He broke his chalk. |
| Charing Cross | Horse | |
| Charlie Brown | Clown | |
| Charlie Chan | Tan | |
| Charlie Dicken | Chicken | |
| Charlie Hunt | Cunt (Fool) | |
| Charlie Nash | Slash | |
| Charlie Pride | Ride | |
| Charlie Ronce | Ponce | |
| Chas and Dave | Shave | I'm off for a chas. |
| Cheerful Giver | Liver | Lovely - cheerful for dinner tonight. |
| Cheese & Ham | Scram | |
| Cheese & Kisses | Missus | |
| Cheese and Rice | Jesus Christ | |
| Cheese Gratter | Raver | |
| Cheese rind | Four of a Kind | |
| Cheesy Quaver | Favour | Do us a cheesy, put it on your web site. |
| Chelsea Pier | Queer | |
| Cheltenham Bold | Cold | |
| Cheque | Gregory Peck | I never 'ad any bread on me, so I 'ad to pay by Gregory. |
| Cherry Hogg | Dog | My bloody cherry is off again. |
| Cherry Ripe | Pipe | |
| Chevy Chase | Face | She's got a lovely Chevy Chase. |
| Chicken & Hen | 10 | |
| Chicken and Rice | Nice | |
| Chicken Oriental | Mental (crazy) | It was chicken oriental down the nuclear on Friday night. |
| Chicker | Haircut | |
| China Plate | Mate | How are you, my old china? |
| Chinese Blind | Mind | You're out of you little chinese mate. |
| Ching | 5 | |
| Chipmunks | Trunks | |
| Chips & Peas | Knees | |
| Chitty Chitty Bang Bang | Cockney Rhyming Slang | We're talking about chitty chitty on this web site. |
| Chocolate Fudge | Judge | |
| chopsticks | Six | |
| Christian Slater | Later | See you Christian Slater. |
| Christmas crackered | Knackered | |
| Church Boys | Customs & Excise | |
| Cilla Black | Back | |
| Cilla Black | Late | You're a bit Cilla today, mate. |
| Claire Rayners | Trainers (running shoes) | I've got me new Claire Rayners on. Claire Rayner is an author. |
| Claret (red wine) | Blood | |
| Clement Freud | hemorrhoid | Oooh, me clements! |
| clickety click | Sixty-six | |
| Clothes Peg | Egg | |
| Coals and Coke | Broke | |
| Coat Hanger | Clanger (mistake) | He dropped a coat. A clanger is when you really put your foot in it. |
| Cobbler's Awls | Balls (testicles) | Go on! Kick him in the cobblers! Can also be used to express disbelief, such as "Cobblers! That's not the way it is." |
| Cock and Hen | Ten | I didn't get much change back from a cock |
| cock linnet | Minute | |
| Cock Sparrow | Barrow | He's wheeling his cock 'round the market. |
| Cockle | Tenner | |
| Cockle and Mussells | Brussells (sprouts) | |
| Colonel Gadaffi | Cafe | |
| Comedy Dave | Rave (dance) | You coming to the comedy? Comedy Dave is a Radio 1 DJ |
| Comic Cuts | Guts | |
| Conan Doyle | Boil | This one was sent to me - I'm not familiar with it. Don't know if it means boil as in hot water or boil as in 'better see a doctor' |
| Constantino Rocca | Shocker | Played a round of golf yesterday - had a complete Constantino .Constantino Rocca is an Italian golfer |
| Corn on the Cob | Job | e can't afford it - 'e ain't got a corn |
| Cough and Drag | Fag (cigarette) | I'm going out for a quick cough and drag |
| Council Gritter | Shitter (rectum) | When I sat down there was a pin on my chair! Right up the council gritter! He reports that a council gritter is the machine that comes around and puts grit on icy roads |
| country cousin | Dozen | |
| Cow and Calf | Half (a pint) | I could use a cow and calf. He reports that there's a pub in Grenoside (near Sheffield) called the Cow and Calf |
| Cows Calf | Laugh | Your having a cows calf, ain't you |
| Cozzer's | Cops | |
| Cream cookies | Bookies | |
| Cream Crackered | Knackered (tired) | I'm cream crackered, mate. |
| Crosby, Stills, Nash | Cash | That blokes not short of Crosby |
| Crown Jewels | Tools | |
| Crust of Bread | Head | Use your crust, mate. |
| Cucumbers | Numbers | |
| Cuddle and Kiss | Miss | She's a cute little cuddle. |
| Currant Bun | Son | He's awfully proud of his currant. |
| Current Bun | Nun | My meanest teachers were currents |
| Current Bun | Sun | Old current bun's out today |
| Custard and Jelly | Telly (TV) | As usual, nothing on the custard tonight. |
| Cuts and Scratches | Matches | Do you have any cuts? |
| D |
| Daffy Down Dilly | Silly | e's a bit daffy. Daffy Down Dilly is a line of dolls from Madam Alexander. |
| Daft and Barmy | Army | He was promoted in the daft. |
| Daily Mail | Tale | |
| Daisy Dancers | Stairs | Get yerself up the daisy dancers. This one's a bit convoluted: Daisy Dancer => Dancing Bears => Stairs. The daisy dancer reference is a twist on the Dancing Bears=>Stairs slang. |
| Daisy Roots | Boots | You can't go out in the rain without your daisies. |
| Dame Judy Dench | Stench | A right Dame Judy in here |
| Dancing Bears | Stairs | Get yerself up the dancing bears |
| Dancing Fleas | Keys | |
| Daniel Boone | Spoon | Pass me a daniel |
| Danny La Rue | Clue | He ain't got a danny. |
| Danny Marr | Car (flash one) | |
| Darby and Joan | Moan | |
| Darling Daughter | Water | |
| Darren Gough | Cough | This Darren is killing me pants and vest Darren Gough is one heck of a cricketer. |
| David Boon | Spoon | Pass me that David Boon. David Boon is an Australian cricketer |
| David Bowie | Blowy (Windy) | |
| David Gower | Shower | I'd just got out of the David Gower. David Gower is an English cricketer |
| David Gowers | Towers | |
| David Mellors | Stellas (beers) | |
| Day's Work | 100 | |
| Dead Horse | Sauce | Pass the dead horse |
| Dead Loss | Boss | |
| Dead Ross | Tomato Sauce | |
| Deaf and Dumb | Bum | |
| Deep Sea Diver | Fiver | |
| Deep sea glider | Cider | |
| Dental Flosser | Tosser | |
| Derby Kelly | Belly | That's the stuff for you Derby Kell; makes you fit and it makes you well .From old cockney song Boiled Beef and Carrots - pronounced Darby. |
| Desmond Hackett | Jacket | |
| Desmond Tutu | 2:2 (lower second class degree) | He's got his Desmond |
| Desperate Dan | Suntan | |
| Desperate Dans | Cans (headphones) | ere - put your desperates on |
| Dick Van Dyke | Bike | |
| Dickory Dock | Clock | What's the time on the dickory? |
| Dicky Bird | Word | He left without so much as a dicky. |
| Dicky Dirt | Shirt | Put your dicky dirt on before the company gets here. |
| Dig in the Grave | Shave | A quick shower and dig and I'll be ready to go. |
| Ding Dong | Song | Everyone gather round the piano for a ding dong. Usually the full slang expression is used |
| Ding Dong Bell | Hell | |
| Dinky Do | Twenty-two | |
| Dinky Doos | Shoes | |
| Dirty Den | 10 | |
| Dixie Deans | Jeans | |
| Do me Good | Wood | |
| Doctor Crippen | Dripping | |
| Doctor Dre | Gay (homosexual) | E's a bit of a doctor. Dr. Dre is a rap artist |
| Dog and Bone | Phone | She's always on the dog. |
| Dog's Eye | Meat Pie | |
| Dog's Knob | Job | Me new motor is just the dog's knob |
| Dolly Dimple | Simple | She's a bit Dolly Dimple |
| Dolly Mixtures | Pictures | |
| Donald Duck | Luck | How's your Donald? |
| Donald Duck | F**k | |
| Donald Peers | Ears | |
| Donald Trump | Dump (shit) | I've got to go for a donald |
| Donkey Rides | Strides (trousers) | He's wearing black donkeys |
| Donkey's Ears | Years | Ain't seen you in donkeys mate. |
| Dorothy Dicks | 6 | |
| Dorothy Squires | Tyres | |
| Dot and Dash | Cash | |
| Dot Cotton | Rotten | |
| Doug McClure | Whore | |
| Douglas Hurd | Turd (shit) | I need to dump a Douglas . Douglas Hurd is a politician. |
| Dover Harbour | Barber | I'm off to Dover to get me barnet sorted |
| Down the Drains | Brains | |
| D'Oyly Carte | Fart | Have you done a d'oyly? D'Oyly Carte is a light opera company |
| Drip Dry | Cry | |
| Drum and Bass | Face | |
| Drum and Fife | Knife | |
| Drum Roll | Hole | Let's pop 'round to my drum (referring to someone's house). |
| Drummond and Roce | Knife and Fork | |
| Duane Eddies | Readies (cash) | |
| Duchess of Fife | Wife | Now my old dutch, where are we off to tonight? |
| Duchess of Teck | Cheque | |
| Duck and Dive | Skive | |
| Duck's Arse | Grass (Informant) | |
| Dudley Moore's | Sores | |
| Duke of Argyles | Piles | |
| Duke of Kent | Rent | I can't afford to pay the Duke of Kent this week |
| Duke of York | Chalk | |
| Duke of York | Fork | Keep your fingers out of your grub, man. Use a duke |
| Duke Of York | Cork | |
| Dunkirk | Work | |
| Dunlop Tyre | Liar | 'e's a bit of a dunlop |
| Dustbin Lids | Kids | A nice girl but too many dustbin's. |
| Dustins Hoffman | Rothmans | |
| E |
| Ear'ole (Ear Hole) | Dole (welfare) | If I get the tin tack I'm going on the ear'ole |
| Early Hour | Flower | |
| Eartha Kitt | Shit | I'm going for an Eartha |
| Eartha Kitts | Tits (breasts) | Nice Eartha's |
| Earwig | Twig | |
| East and West | Vest | |
| East Ham | Mad | |
| East West | Breast | 'ave a look at her easts |
| Easy Rider | Cider | Pint of Easy Rider please |
| Eau de cologne | Phone | |
| Eddie Grundies | Undies | |
| Edgar Alan Poe | Tow | |
| Edinburgh Fringe | Minge | |
| Edna Everage | Beverage | Would you like an Edna? Edna Everage (aka Dame Edna) is a star, darling! |
| Edward Heath | Teeth | He got smacked in the Edwards. Edward Heath was PM in the early 1970's |
| Egg Yolk | Joke | |
| Eiffel Tower | Shower | |
| Eighteen Pence | Sense | |
| Elephant and Castle | Arsehole | |
| Elephant's Trunk | Drunk | He shouldn't be driving! He's bloody elephant's. |
| Elliot Ness | Mess | My drum's a right Elliot |
| Elsie Tanner | Spanner (wrench) | Can I borrow your elsie |
| Elsie Tanner | Planner | |
| Emma Freuds | Hemorrhoids | Me Emma's are playing me up. Emma is a BBC DJ on Radio 1 |
| Ernie Marsh | Grass | |
| Errol Flynn | Chin | |
| Euan Blair | Leicester Square | We're getting off the train at Euan Blair station |
| Evening Breeze | Cheese | |
| Everton Toffee | Coffee | I'll have an everton |
| Eyes of Blue | True | |
| F |
| Fainting Fits | Tits (breasts) | Wouldn't mind getting me germans on her faintings |
| Faith and Hope | Soap | Where's the faith and hope, I wanna wash me 'ands |
| Falun Gong | Wrong | It seems to have all gone a bit falun gong. From semi-obscure evil Chinese cult with tendency to inaccuracy, therefore appropriate. |
| Family Tree | Lavatory | |
| Fanny Blair | Hair | |
| Fanny Craddock | Haddock | |
| Fanny Hill | Pill (Contraceptive) | |
| Far East | Priest | |
| Farmer Giles | Piles (hemorrhoids) | Blimey, I ain't 'alf suffering from me farmers |
| Farmer's Daughter | Quarter | |
| Fat and Skinny | Mini | |
| Fat and Wide | Bride | |
| Fatboy Slim | Gym | I'm going down to the fatboy .Fatboy Slim is a recording artist |
| Father Ted | Dead | |
| Feathers | 33 | |
| Fibre of your fabric | Loot (money) | C'mon, let me feel the fibre of your fabric. fabric=>suit=>loot] |
| Fiddle De Dee | Pee / Wee | |
| Field of Wheat | Street | He out standing in the field, waiting for a bus. |
| Fine and Dandy | Brandy | A small drop of fine would suit me. |
| Finger and Thumb | Rum | |
| Finlay Quaye | Gay (homosexual) | That boozer is Finlay ub .Finlay Quaye is a musician |
| Finsbury Park | Mark | |
| Fireman's Hose | Nose | Look at the size of his fireman's |
| First Aid Kits | Tits | |
| Fish and Chips | Tips (Gratuities) | |
| Fish Hook | Book | I've read the new fish by Deighton. |
| Fisherman's Daughter | Water | |
| Five to Two | Jew | If you're a fiver then today's your Sabbath. |
| Flight Lieutenant Biggles | Giggles | |
| Flowers and Frolics | Bollocks | |
| Flowery Dell | Cell | I've got three more years in this flower. |
| Fly-by-Nights | Tights | |
| Foot pump | Dump | |
| Fore and Aft | Daft | |
| Fork and Knife | Wife | |
| Forrest Gump | Dump (shit) | "Off out in 10 minutes?" "Yeah, just got to have a Forrest first". |
| Forsythe Saga | Lager | Mines a forsythe |
| Four by Two | Jew | He's not from around here - he's a four. |
| Four Seasons | Reasons | |
| Four Wheeler | Sheila | |
| Francis Drakes | Brakes | |
| Frank Bough | Off | |
| Frankie Howard | Coward | |
| Frankie Vaughan | Porn | Is there any Frankie on the telly tonight? |
| Frankie Vaughan | Prawn | |
| Fred Astaire | Hair | |
| Fred McMurrays | Worries | |
| French Kiss | Piss (Urinate) | |
| Friar Tuck | Luck | E always had a bit of friar tuck. |
| Fridge Freezer | Geezer | |
| Frog and Toad | Road | Don't ride your bike on the frog. See Road => Kermit |
| Front Door | Bore | |
| Front Wheel Skid | Yid (Jew) | He's a front wheel. |
| Fruit Gum | Chum | How yer doing, my old fruit |
| Frying Pan | Fan | |
| Fugly | Ugly | |
| G |
| Gamma Ray | Stray | That Mary's a bit of a gamma |
| Gang and Mob | Gob (mouth) | He's got a big gang |
| Garden Gate | 8 | |
| Garden Gate | Magistrate | |
| Garden Gate | Late | |
| Garden Gate | Mate | |
| Gary Abblets | Tablets (Ecstasy) | |
| Gary Glitter | Bitter (beer) | Give us a pint of gary |
| Gary Glitter | Shitter (rectum) | He kicked him right up the Gary |
| Gary Player | All Dayer (all day drinking) | Let's make it a Gary Player |
| Gates of Rome | Home | |
| Gathers | Cops | |
| Gavvers | Police | |
| Gay & Hearty | Party | |
| Gay and Frisky | Whisky | I'll have a gay and I'm off. Be careful where you use this |
| Gay Gordon | Parking Warden | |
| General Election | Erection | |
| Geoff Hurst | Burst (urinate) | I'm dying for a Geoff. Geoff Hurst's World Cup Final hat-trick v West Germany at Wembley in 1966 and six goals v Sunderland (19.10.68) two years later, have been woven into the fabric of football folklore. |
| Geoff Hurst | Thirst | I've got a Geoff on tonight Sir Geoff Hurst was the only footballer to score three goals in a World Cup final. |
| Geoffrey Chaucer | Saucer | |
| George and Zippy | Nippy (cold) | It's a bit George. Eli Davenport reports that George & Zippy are from an old BBC kids show called Rainbow |
| George Bernard Shaw | Door | |
| George Best | Chest | (In football) Over 'ere son, on me Georgie . George Best is a famous footballer |
| George Martin | Farting | |
| George Raft | Draft | There's a bit of a george in here. |
| Georgie Bests | Breasts | |
| Georgio Armani | Sarnie (Sandwich) | |
| German Bands | Hands | Get your germans off my missus. |
| Gertie Gitana | Banana | I like a gertie on my cereal .Possibly an old music hall star |
| Giggle and Titter | Bitter (beer) | ere. I could use a giggle. |
| Gin and Tonic | Supersonic | |
| Ginger Ale | Jail | e's doing time in the ginger. |
| Ginger Beer | Engineer | He knows his stuff. He is a ginger, after all. |
| Ginger Beer | Queer (odd) | I don't know about that - sounds a bit ginger. |
| Gipsy's Warning | Morning | |
| Giraffe | Laugh | You're havin' a giraffe, mate. |
| Girls and Boys | Noise | |
| Glasgow Ranger | Stranger | |
| Glass of Plonk | Conk (Nose) | |
| Glass of Water | Quarter | |
| Glenn Hoddle | Doddle (easy or straight forward) | That jobs a Glen Hoddle. Glenn Hoddle is the coach of the English football team replacing Terry Venables. |
| Gloria Gaynors | Trainers (running shoes) | That's a nice pair of Gloria's |
| Gobstopper | Chopper (Penis) | |
| God Forbids | Kids | Couldn't hear a thing 'cause of all the Godfor's. |
| Gold Watch | Scotch (Whisky) | E enjoys his gold watch |
| Goldie Locks (Goldies) | Socks | |
| Goose's Neck | Cheque | He stuck me with a bouncing goose. |
| Gordon & Gotch | Watch | |
| Grand | 1000 | |
| Grass in the Park | Nark | |
| Grasshopper | Copper (police) | He got nabbed by the grasshoppers. |
| Gravel and grit | Shit | |
| Gravy lumps | Dumps | |
| Grease and Grime | Time | |
| Green eggs and ham | Exam | |
| Greengages | Wages | I've blown the greengages down at the dogs |
| Gregory Peck | Cheque | I never 'ad any bread on me, so I 'ad to pay by Gregory. I'm going down to the iron to sausage a gregory. |
| Gregory Peck | Specs (spectacles) | Where's me gregs |
| Gregory Peck | Neck | Wind you Gregory in |
| Gypsy Nell | Hell | My knee is giving me gyp today. |
| Gypsy's Kiss | Piss | Blimey - no more beer till I've 'ad a gypsy's. |
| H |
| Habitual Knitter | Bitter | |
| Haddock and Bloater | Motor (car) | I've gone and locked me keys in the haddock |
| Hair Gel | Bell | |
| Hairy knees | Please | |
| Hairy Nips | Chips | |
| Half a Gross | Dose | |
| Half Inch | Pinch (steal) | Someone's half-inched me pint! |
| Half inched | Pinched | |
| Half Past Three | Tea | Where's me bleeding cuppa arf past? |
| Ham and Cheesy | Easy | |
| Ham and Eggs | Legs | |
| Ham Shank | Bank | |
| Ham Shanks | Yanks | |
| Hammer and Tack | Back | Ooh! Me 'ammer and tack's playing me up again. |
| Hampden Roar | Score | You know the hampden. The Hampden Roar is is a commonly used term that refers to the noise made when fans cheer on Scotland at Hampden Park |
| Hampstead Heath | Teeth | His hampsteads (hamps) are a crime. |
| Hampton Wick | Prick | He gets on my wick. Don't even try to understand this one - just accept it |
| Hank Marvin | Starvin' | I'm bloody Hank Marvin. I haven't eaten all day Hank Marvin was the guitarist for The Shadows from the 1960's to the 1990's. |
| Hansel and Gretel | Kettle | |
| Harold Wilson's | Stilsons (Pipe Wrenches) | |
| Harris Tweed | Weed | |
| Harry Bash | Cash | |
| Harry Dash | Flash (natty) | e was alway a bit of an 'arry |
| Harry Kewell | Cool | |
| Harry Lime | Time | What's the Harry Lime? Harry Lime is a character in 'The Third Man' |
| Harry Lin | Chin | |
| Harry Monk | Spunk (semen) | This glue's as sticky as a load of Harry. Harry Monk was an old music hall entertainer. |
| Harry Nash | Cash | There's a discount if you're paying Harry Nash - if anyone knows the origin of this I'd appreciate it |
| Harry Rag | Fag (cigarette) | Have you got a harry? I don't know who or what a "Harry Rag is. If you know please tell me. |
| Harry Randall | Candle | Look at all the Harry's on his cake. |
| Harry Wragg | Fag (cigarette) | Have you got a harry? Frank Baynham reports that Harry Wragg was a famous jockey |
| Harvey Nichol | Pickle | |
| Hat Rack | Back | |
| Hay Stack | Back | |
| Heap of Coke | Bloke | |
| Hearts of Oak | Broke (financial) | I'm skint mate. Bleedin' hearts. |
| Hedge and Ditch | Pitch (Stall or Stand) | |
| Henry | Eighth | |
| Henry Moore | Door | They broke the 'enry down at number thirty two |
| Here and there | Chair | |
| Herring bone | Phone | |
| Hey Diddle Diddle | Middle | |
| Hide and Seek | Cheek | He kissed me on my hide and seek |
| Highland Fling | Ring | |
| Hillman Hunters | Punters | |
| Hit and Miss | Piss | I've got to have a hit before we go out. |
| hit and miss | Kiss | |
| Hobsons Choice | Voice | |
| Holly Hox | Pox | |
| Holy Friar | Liar | 'e's a bit of a holy friar |
| Holy Ghost | Toast | How about another round of 'oly. |
| Holy Ghost | Racing Post | |
| Hopping Pot | Lot (Serving or share) | That's your hopping mate. Meaning, that's all you get. this may have originated with Londoners who traveled to Kent and other districts to gather hops for beer |
| Horace Batchelor | Spatula | |
| Horse and Cart | Fart | Have you just horse & carted? |
| Horse and Cart | Heart | |
| Hot Cross Bun | Nun | |
| Hot Cross Bun | Son | |
| Hotpoint Fridge | Severn Bridge | |
| House to Let | Bet | |
| Housemaid's Knee | Sea | |
| How d'you Do | Shoe | |
| How's your father? | Lather | |
| Hum & Song | Pong (smell) | |
| I |
| I Suppose | Nose | That rotten drunk gave me a clip on me I suppose. |
| Ian Beale | Deal | |
| Ian Wrights | Lights | |
| Ice | cream freezer | |
| Ice Cream Freezer | Geezer | e's not a bad old ice cream |
| I'm Afloat | Overcoat | |
| Inky Smudge | Judge | |
| Ins and Outs | Snouts (Cigarettes) | ere mate, got any ins and outs? (See Salmon and Trout) |
| Irish Jig | Wig | I think that blokes wearing an Irish |
| Irish Rose | Nose | She gave me a kiss on my Irish. |
| Iron Hoof | Poof (homosexual) | He's a bit of an iron. |
| Iron Tank | Bank | He lost his house to the iron. |
| Isle of Wight | Right | |
| Isle of Wight | Light | |
| Itch and Scratch | Match | |
| Itchy Teeth | Beef | |
| Ivory Band | Hand | |
| J |
| J. Arthur Rank | Wank (masturbate) | e's off having a J. Arthur |
| Jack & Jill | Till (Cash register) | E got nicked with 'is 'ands in the old jack and jill |
| Jack an' Dandy | Handy | |
| Jack and Danny | Fanny | She's just sitting at home on her Jack and Danny |
| Jack and Jill | Bill (statement) | I'm going home - can I have my Jack? |
| Jack and Jill | Pill (birth control) | She's on the Jack |
| Jack and Jill | Hill | The store is up the jack. [See also Bill] |
| Jack and Jill | Till | |
| Jack Jones | Alone | |
| Jack Jones | Alone | He went to the pub all Jack. |
| Jack Jones | Own | |
| Jack 'n' Danny | Fanny | |
| Jack Palance | Dance | |
| Jack Tar | Bar (pub) | I'm off to the Jack. See also 'Alone' and Bar (pub). Could be very confusing if you're going alone - "I'm off to the jack jack". Or, if you were telling your brother Jack, "I'm off to the jack jack, Jack" |
| Jack the Dandy | Brandy | |
| Jack the Ripper | Stripper | I love me jack the rippers |
| Jack the Ripper | Kipper | |
| Jackanory | Story | |
| jackdaw | Jaw | |
| Jackie Chan | Scran (food) | I'm Hank Marvin. I could use some top Jackie for me Michael Winner |
| Jacks alive | Five | |
| Jackson Pollock | Bollocks | This modern art's a load of old Jacksons . Pollock is a "20th Century strange artist". |
| Jacobs Crackers | Knackers (testicles) | That toe-rag kicked me in the Jacobs |
| Jam Jar | Car | Bloody jam is down again. |
| Jam Roll | Arsehole | That geezer is a right jam roll. |
| Jam Tart | Heart | |
| James Dean | Obscene | |
| Jamie Redknapp | Crap | |
| Jazz Bands | Hands | Get yer jazz bands off me |
| Jeckyll and Hyde | Snide | 'e's a bit Jeckyll |
| Jekyll and Hyde | Pride | You lost your jekyll or something? |
| Jekyll and Hydes | Strides [trousers) | Just bought a new pair of Jekylls |
| Jenny Lee | Key | |
| Jeremiah | Fire | |
| Jerry Cottle | Bottle | |
| Jerry O'Gorman | Mormon | |
| Jim Skinner | Dinner | Is my Jim ready yet? |
| Jimmy Hill | Bill (statement) | Have we paid the Jimmy Hill yet? . Jimmy Hill is a football pundit and former player |
| Jimmy Hill | Pill | |
| Jimmy Hill | Ill | |
| Jimmy Nail | Hell | |
| Jimmy Orner | Corner | |
| Jimmy Riddle | Piddle (urinate) | I've had three pints - I could use a jimmy. |
| Joanna | Piano | He sparkles on the joanna. Just to confuse you, they mispronounce the word you're trying say, so instead of 'piano' they call it a 'piana' |
| Jockey Whips | Chips | I'll have a large plate of jockey's |
| Jockey's whip | Kip | |
| Jodrell Bank | Wank | Just off for a Jodrell .Jodrell Bank was the site of a University of Manchester botanical station, about 20 miles south of Manchester, back in the 1940's. Today, Jodrell Bank is a leading radio astronomy facility. |
| Joe Baxi | Taxi | Mind if I share your Joe Baxi? William Coward says Joe Baxi was a heavyweight boxer who knocked out British champ George Woodcock around 1950. |
| Joe Blake | Steak | |
| Joe Blake | Snake | |
| Joe Brown | Town | |
| Joe Goss | Boss | Never trust a joe .Joe Goss was a talented boxer |
| Joe Hook | Book | |
| Joe Rook | Crook | |
| John Cleese | Keys | 'ave you seen me johns |
| John Cleese | Peas | Eat yer John Cleese - they're good for you |
| John Cleese | Cheese | I'm meeting the big John Cleese today at work |
| John Major | Pager | Me John Major's just gone off |
| John Major | Wager (bet) | |
| John O'Groat | Throat | 'e cleared his groat whilst wiping his mincers with 'is germans |
| John Skinner | Dinner | |
| John Wayne | Train | |
| Johnnie Horner | Corner | I'll meet you 'round the Johnnie. |
| Johnny Horner | Corner | |
| Johnny Mutter | Butter | |
| Johnny Vaughn | Yawn | Can't hold back a good Johnny .Johnny Vaughn was the star of The Big Breakfast |
| Johnny Vaughn | Porn | I enjoy a bit of Johnny .Johnny Vaughn was the star of The Big Breakfast |
| Judge Jules | Tools | |
| Julian Clary | Fairy | |
| Julius Caesar | Geezer | ere, look at the 'ampsteads on that Julius |
| Jumping Jack | Back | |
| K |
| Kareem Abdul Jabbar | Car | Bloody kareem is down again. Kareem Abdul Jabbar is a basketball player in the U.S. How he got into rhyming slang I'll never know! |
| Kate | Steak | |
| Kate and Sydney | Steak and Kidney | A lovely Kate and Sydney pie [Not really rhyming slang - more a matter of getting your mords wixed up] |
| Kate Karney | Army | He's off and joined the Kate. |
| Kate Moss | Toss | I couldn't give a Kate Moss. |
| Kate Mossed It | Lost It | |
| Kathy Burke | Work | |
| Keith (Chegwin) | Pregnant | |
| Keith Deller | Stella (Artois) | |
| Ken Boon | 4 Door Saloon | |
| Ken Smee | Pee | |
| Kermit | Road | e took off down the kermit. From Kermit the Frog => frog and toad => road. |
| Kermit the Frog | Bog | |
| Kerry Packer | Knackered (tired) | I'm right Kerry'd - Kerry Packer is an Australian media magnate (and bleeding rich!) |
| Kettle and Hob | Watch (fob watch) | That's a lovely kettle. I got the following from Dudley who wondered about the connection between a kettle and a watch - he passed on the following story: |
| Kevin Keegan | Vegan | |
| Khyber Pass | Arse | Stick it up your khyber. |
| Kick and Prance | Dance | |
| Kick Start | Tart | Is this a lads night or are we taking the kicks |
| kidney punch | Lunch | |
| King Lear | Queer (homosexual) | e's a bit King Lear. |
| King Lear | Ear | |
| King Tut | Gut | |
| Kingdom Come | Bum | He just sat on his kingdom all day |
| King's Death | Breath | |
| Kippers | Slippers | |
| Kitchen Sink | Clink (jail) | After that last episode he'll be in the kitchen for a while |
| Kitchen Sink | Drink | |
| Kite | Cheque | |
| Knobbly Knees | Keys | Have you got your knobblies with you? |
| Knobbly Knees | Peas | We're havin' sexton and knobblies |
| Kungfu Fighter | Lighter | |
| Kuwaity Tanker | Wanker | |
| L |
| Lady from Bristol | Pistol | |
| Lady Godiva | Fiver (5 pound note) | Ere, that bloke still owes me lady! |
| Lager and Lime | Spine | |
| Lah-di-dah | Star | |
| Lamb & Mint | Skint | |
| Lar-dee-dar | Cigar | |
| Lards | Trousers | 'e was caught with 'is lards down. Lards is from Callards & Bowsers, makers of fine toffee's. |
| last card in the pack | Sack | |
| Laugh and Titter | Bitter (Beer) | |
| Lee Marvin | Starvin' | I'm Lee Marvin... if you're really hungry you could say, "I'm Hank, and his brother Lee". Lee Marvin was an American actor. See other entry for starvin' (Hank Marvin). And no - they're not related. |
| Left in the Lurch | Church | |
| Legs | 11 | |
| Lemon Curd | Girlfriend | |
| Lemon Dash | Flash | Don't act so lemon |
| Lemon Lime | Crime | Not one lemon reported all night |
| Lemon Squeesy | Easy | |
| Lemon Squeezer | Geezer | |
| Leo Fender | Bender (homosexual) | That blokes a bit leo after all. The late Leo Fender was the inventor of the Stratocaster guitar |
| Leo Sayer | All Dayer (all day drinking session) | Let's make it a Leo Sayer. |
| Lesley Crowthers | Trousers | |
| Lester Piggot | Bigot | |
| Light and bitter | Shitter | |
| Light and Dark | Park | |
| Lilian Gish | Fish | Good day at the stream. Got a pair of Lilian's. |
| Lilley & Skinner | Beginner | |
| Lilley and Skinner | Dinner | |
| Lillian Gish | Pish | |
| Lilly and Skinner | Dinner | What's for lilly and skinner |
| Linda Lusardi | Cardy (cardigan) | Oh my God - look at that awful Linda he's wearing |
| Linen Draper | Paper (newspaper) | Has the morning linen come yet? |
| Ling and Linger | Ring on Finger | |
| Lionel Bart | Fart | |
| Lionel Blaire | Flares (wide bottom trousers) | Got on his best lionels for the evening. Lionel Blaire is a performer. |
| Lionel Blaire | Nightmare | I'm havin' a right lionel Lionel Blaire is a performer. |
| Lion's Lair | Chair | Have a lion's while you wait. |
| Little and Large | Marge | |
| Little Critter | Bullshitter | |
| Liz Hurley | Early | 'e's never gotten here liz |
| Liza Minelli | Telly (TV) | What's on the Liza? |
| Loaf of Bread | Head | Don't just stand there - use your loaf. |
| Lollipop | Shop | |
| Long Un | 1000 | |
| Longers and Lingers | Fingers | |
| Loop de Loop | Soup | Nothing like a good loop on a cold day. |
| Lord Lovel | Shovel | |
| Lord Mayor | Swear | |
| Lord of the Manor | Tanner | |
| Lords and Peers | Ears | |
| Louise Wener | Tenner (10 pound note) | ere, lend us a louise. Louise Wener is a singer with the band Sleeper |
| Lousy Brown | Crown | |
| Love and Kisses | Missus (Mrs) | Where did your love and kisses go? |
| L-Rig | Girl | |
| Lucy Locket | Pocket | Keep it in your Lucy. |
| M |
| Macaroni | Pony (25 pound) | |
| Macca | Crap | I'm off for a macca . Comes from Macaroni => pony; Pony & Trap => Crap |
| Mae West | Best | I'm Mae West at Cockney Rhyming Slang |
| Magnus Pike | Dyke (Lesbian) | She looks like a right Magnus - Magnus Pike was an 'off the wall' TV personality who would (and could) explain complex scientific concepts to kids |
| Mahatma Ghandi | Randy | |
| Major Stevens | Evens (betting) | |
| Man on the Moon | Spoon | |
| Manchester Scally | Rally | |
| Manhole Cover | Brother | My manhole cover is coming for a visit. How does manhole cover rhyme with brother you ask? Simple... if you pronounce brother as "bruvver"! |
| Mark Ramprakash | Slash | |
| Mars Bar | Scar | I fell down the apple and pears trying to answer the dog & bone, hit my head and ended up with a mars bar |
| Master McGrath | Bra | |
| Matheson Lang | Slang (Cockney Rhyming) | |
| Mavis Fritter | Shitter | |
| Melvyn Bragged | Shagged | |
| Melvynn Bragg | Fag (cigarette) | Oi, mate. Can I scrounge a melvynn of you |
| Merchant Banker | Wanker | He's a right merchant |
| Merlyn Rees | Peice (lunch) | |
| Merry Old Soul | Arsehole | 'e's a bit of a merry old soul |
| Meryl Streep | Sleep | |
| Meryl Streep | Cheap | |
| metric miles | Piles | |
| Michael Caine | Train | I missed me Michael |
| Michael Caines | Stains | |
| Michael Miles | Piles | |
| Michael Winner | Dinner | I'm Hank Marvin. I could use some top Jackie for me Michael Winner.Michael Winner is the food critic for the Sunday Times |
| Mick Jagger | Lager | How about a couple of Mick Jaggers over here? |
| Mick Mills | Pills | 'e's always 'ad a weakness for the Mick Mills . Mick Mills played for Ipswich in the '70s |
| Mickey Bliss | Piss (Make fun of) | He's always taking the mickey out of someone |
| Mickey Duff | Puff (marijuana) | Here, mate. Got any Mickey? |
| Mickey Most | Toast | |
| Mickey Mouse | House | I'm taking my missus to the mickey tonight. Usually means a theatre rather than a residence |
| Mickey Mouse | Scouse | |
| Mickey Rourke | Pork | |
| Midland Bank | Wank (masturbate) | I'm going for a midland |
| Mikkel Becks | Specs [Spectacles) | Where did I put me Mikkel's? - Mikkel Beck is a footballer |
| Milton Keynes | Jeans | |
| Mince Pies | Eyes | She got beatiful minces. |
| Moby Dick | Sick | I'm feeling a bit Moby today. |
| Molly O'Morgan | Organ | |
| Monkey | 500 | |
| Monkey Wrench | Wench | |
| Monkey's cousin | Dozen | |
| monkey's tail | Nail | |
| Moriarty | Party | Mental morry mate |
| Mork and Mindy | Windy | Cor, it's bloody mork today, shows you that the slang is constantly evolving |
| Mother Hubbard | Cupboard | There's nothing in the mother. |
| Mother of Pearl | Girl | |
| Mother's Ruin | Gin | Another mothers would sit well. |
| Mozambique | Keek | |
| Mrs Chant | Aunt | |
| Mrs Duckett | Bucket | |
| Mrs. Chant | Aunt | He didn't know what to get his Mrs. Chant for Christmas |
| Mum and Dad | Mad | He's a bit mum and dad. |
| Mumbley Pegs | Legs | Stand on your own mumbleys |
| Murray | mint | |
| Murray Walker | Talker | She's a real murray 6 just can't get her to shut up! |
| Murray-mint | Skint | |
| Mutt and Jeff | Deaf | Poor buggers mutt and jeff. Usually full slang expression is used. very often the expression is shortened to mutton as in "Poor buggers mutton". |
| Mutter and Stutter | Butter | |
| Mystic Meg | Leg | |
| N |
| Nails and Tacks | Fax | |
| Nanny Goat | Throat | Get that down your nanny |
| Nanny Goat | Boat | I took my nanny out on the river. |
| Nanny Goat | Coat | Put your nannies on - it's taters out. |
| Nat King Cole | Dole (welfare) | I've got to sign on the old Nat King |
| Natter | Chat | |
| Near and Far | Bar (pub) | I saw him at the near. |
| Ned Kelly | Telly | |
| Needle and Pin | Gin | I'll have a small needle and tonic. |
| Nelson Eddy's | Readies (pound notes) | e's got a pile of nelsons! |
| Nelson Mandelas | Stella (beer) | A couple of nelsons please |
| Nena | 99 | |
| Nervo | 9 | |
| nervo and Knox | Box | |
| Nervous Wreck | Cheque | |
| Neves | 7 | |
| New Delhi | Belly | |
| Newington Butts | Guts (stomach) | My newingtons are giving me some gyp today. Newington Butts is in an area of London (SE1?) commonly known as The Elephant and Castle |
| Niagara Falls | Balls (testicles) | I got him in his niagara's |
| Niffty | 50 | |
| Nifty n Frifty | Shifty | |
| Nightboat to Cairo | Giro | |
| Nix | 86 | |
| Nix/Nixies | Nothing | |
| No Surrenders | Suspenders | |
| Noah's Ark | Park | I'm taking my misses to the Noah. |
| Noah's Ark | Shark | |
| Noah's Ark | Lark | |
| Nobby Stiles | Piles (hemorrhoids) | Me nobbies are acting up again .Nobby Stiles was a great footballer from years gone by |
| Norman Watts | Pots | |
| North and South | Mouth | I gave him a punch up the north. |
| Nose and Chin | Gin | I'll have a drop of nose and chin |
| Nuclear Sub | Pub | I'll meet you down the nuclear at 5 o'clock |
| Nuns 'n Habits | Rabbits | |
| Nuremberg Trials | Piles | Me Nuremberg's are really playing me up |
| O |
| Ocean | Mate | |
| Ocean Going Squid | Quid | |
| Ocean Pearl | Girl | |
| Oily Rag | Fag (cigarette) | Give us an oily. |
| Okey Doke | Poke | |
| Old Bill | Police | |
| Old Pot And Pan | Husband | |
| Oliver Twist | Fist | Next thing I know he's got his Oliver in my face. |
| Oliver Twist | Pissed (drunk) | I 'ad one over the eight last night and got completely Olivered. See also 'Fist' and 'Brahms & Liszt' |
| Omar Sharif | Grief | |
| on the floor | Poor | |
| Once a Week | Cheek | |
| One and t'other | Brother | ere's me one and t'other now. |
| One and two's | Shoes | Where's me one 'n two's? |
| One Time Looker | Hooker | |
| Ones and Twos | Shoes | |
| Ooh Aah | Stella Artois (beer) | I'll have an ooh aah |
| Orange Peel | Feel | I fancy an orange of her Bristols! |
| Orchestra Stalls | Balls (testicles) | He nearly got hit in the orchestra |
| Oxford Scholar | Dollar | Stupid horse cost me an Oxford. Pre-war the dollar was worth just less than 5 shillings, so an Oxford is worth 5 shillings or a crown |
| Oxo cube | Tube (underground) | |
| P |
| Pam Shriver | Fiver | |
| Pants and Vest | Chest | This cough is killing me pants and vest |
| Paper Hat | Prat | |
| Paraffin Lamp | Tramp (hobo) | I gave me last apple to that old paraffin |
| Pat and Mick | Sick | |
| Pat Cash | Slash | |
| Pat Malone | Alone | I'm all pat tonight. |
| Paul Cousins | Baker's dozens | |
| Paul McKenna | Tenner (£10) | I'm don to me last Paul McKenna . Paul McKenna is a famous hypnotist |
| Paul Weller | Stella (beer) | Give us a Paul Weller - Paul Weller is (or was) a musician with The Jam. Stella refers to Stella Artois |
| Pea shooter | Hooter (nose) | |
| Peanut Butter and Jelly | Belly | |
| Pear Halved | Starved | "Lunch in a bit?" "Yeah, I'm a bit pear." |
| Pearly Queen | Seen | |
| Peas in a Pot | Hot | Don't touch that - it's bloody peasy. |
| Peckham Rye | Tie | I'm putting on me best whistle and me new peckham. |
| Peddle and Crank | Wank (masturbate) | I'm off for a peddle! |
| Pen and Ink | Stink | That's a bit of a pen and ink. |
| Perpetual Loser | Boozer | |
| Persian Rugs | Drugs | 'ere mate. Got any Persians? |
| Pete Tong | Wrong | It's all gone a bit Pete .Pete Tong is an English DJ |
| Peter Pan | Tan | |
| Peter Powell | Towel | |
| Petrol Tanks | Yanks | |
| Philharmonic | Gin and Tonic | |
| Picadilly | Chilly | |
| Piccadilly | Silly | I've always said he was piccadilly |
| Pie and Apple Chunk | Drunk | |
| Pie and Liquor | Vicar | |
| Pie and Mash | Slash (piss) | I'm poppin' out for a pie and mash |
| Pieces of Eight | Weight | She'd better watch her pieces of eight |
| Pig's Ear | Beer | Can I buy you a pig? |
| Pillar and Post | Ghost | Looks like he's seen a pillar |
| Pillar and Post | Host | Who's the pillar and post for tonight? |
| Pimple and Botch | Scotch | He enjoys a good pimple. |
| Pineapple | Chapel | |
| Pineapple Chunk | Bunk (bed) | I could use a couple of hours in the pineapple |
| Ping Pong | Strong | I need a ping pong drink |
| Pinky and Perky | Turkey | |
| Pins & Pegs | Legs | |
| Pipe your Eye | Cry | |
| Pitch and Toss | Boss | My bloody pitch kept me late again. |
| Pittsburgh Steelers | Peelers (police) | |
| Planet of the Apes | Grapes | |
| Plaster | Arse | |
| Plates and Dishes | Misses | |
| Plates of Meat | Feet | Get your plates of the table. |
| Pleasure and Pain | Rain | Any more pleasure and we'll be swimming. |
| Plimsoll Mark | Park | |
| Plink | Plonk (Wine) | |
| Polo Mint | Bint | |
| Pony | 25 | |
| Pony and Trap | Crap | Ang on, mate. Just gotta 'ave a pony Or, another usage if something's a bit off (i.e.. not of good quality) - That's a bit pony mate! |
| Pope in Rome | Home | Let's pop 'round his pope and fetch him. |
| Pope on the rope | Dope | |
| Porcupine | Wine | Where's the porc waiter |
| Pork Chops | Pigs (Police) | |
| Pork Pies | Lies | Blimey - he gets two pigs (beers) in him and he starts telling porkies. |
| Porridge Knife | Life (term) | e's doing a stay in the porridge |
| Posh 'n Becks | Sex | Had a bit of posh with the missus last night Posh refers to Posh Spice (Victoria Adams) of the Spice Girls while Becks refers to David Beckham, the famous footballer she married. Another example of Rhyming Slang evolving to reflect the times. See also Decks -> Posh 'n Becks |
| Posh 'n Becks | Decks (turntables) | Have you got yer posh 'n becks yet, see Sex -> Posh 'n Becks |
| Pot and Pan | Old Man (Father) | I was talking to me old pot just yesterday. |
| Pot and Pan | Old man (husband) | |
| Pot of Glue | Clue | |
| Potatoes in the mould | Cold | Cor, taters out there init? |
| Prairie Hat | Prat | |
| Present and Past | Last | |
| Prison Time | Bird (Lime) | |
| Profit & Loss | Boss | |
| Q |
| Quaker Oat | Coat | |
| Queen mum | Bum | |
| Queen's Park Ranger | Stranger | Who's that Queen's Park Ranger standing over there? |
| Quid | Pounds (currency) | |
| R |
| Rabbit and Pork | Talk | He's always rabbitting on about something. |
| Radio Rental | Mental | He's a bit radio |
| Rainbow Trout | Kraut (German) | Bloody rainbows beat us at football last night! |
| Randolph Scott | Spot (acne) | I've got a great big randolph on my chin |
| Raspberry Ripple | Nipple | Look at the thup'neys on her, raspberries like cigar buts! |
| Raspberry Ripple | Cripple | The old boy's a raspberry |
| Raspberry Tart | Fart | He blew a raspberry. |
| Rats and Mice | Dice | |
| Ravi Shankar | Wanker | That referee is a right Ravi |
| Razor | Blazer | |
| Read and Write | Fight | He'd rather read than walk away. |
| Red sock | Dock | |
| Reels of Cotton | Rotten | |
| Reg Grundies | Undies | |
| Reg Varney | Pakistani | Martin's new bird's a Reg .Reg played Stan Butler on 'On the Buses', one of the 1970's BritComs |
| Rex Mossop | Gossip | What's the latest Rex, love? Rex is an Aussie sports commentator |
| Rhythm and Blues | Shoes | Get your rhythm and blues on |
| Richard the Third | Bird | Look what that bloody Richard's done to my car! |
| Richard the Third | Turd (shit) | He's a bit of a Richard. |
| Rick Whitter | Shitter (toilet or rectum) | Back in a sec - I'm off to the rick. Rick Whitter is a singer in the group Shed7 |
| Ricki Lake | Fake | |
| Riff Raff | Café (pronounced caff) | I'm off to the riff raff |
| Rifle Range | Change | |
| Rink-a-dink | Chink (Chinese) | We're going to get rinky take-away. |
| Rio Grande | 1000 | |
| Roast Pork | Fork | |
| Roath | 4 | |
| Rob Roy | Boy | |
| Robin Hood | Good | That sounds like it's robin |
| Rock and Roll | Dole (welfare) | e hasn't worked a day in 'is life... 'e's always been on the rock and roll. |
| Rockford Files | Piles (hemorrhoids) | Me Jim Rockford's are giving me gip! Jim Rockford was the central character in the TV show The Rockford Files. |
| Rocking Horse | Sauce | |
| Rodney Marsh | Harsh | |
| Roger Moore | Door | |
| Roger Moore | Whore | |
| Roger Nellie | Telly | |
| Roland Joffe | Coffee | |
| Roller Coaster | Toaster | |
| Ronald Riches | Bitches | |
| Ronnie & Reggie (Kray) | Veggie | |
| Ronnie Barker | Marker (pen) | |
| Roof Rack | Back | |
| Rory O'Moore | Door | |
| Rory O'Moore | Floor | |
| Rosy Lea | Tea | I've just put the rosy on. |
| Rouf Cinque | 45 | |
| Round the Houses | Trousers | e's got hisself a new set of round the houses |
| Roy Hudd's | Spuds | |
| Rub a Dub | Sub (pay advance) | Guvnor Give us a rub a dub till pay day. |
| Rub-a-dub-dub | Pub | I'm off to the rub-a-dub-dub. |
| Rubber bands | Hands | |
| Rubber Dub | Sub | |
| Rubber Duck | Cook | |
| Rubber Glove | Love | |
| Rubric's Cube | Pube (pubic hair) | When your having a shower make sure you wash your rubric's |
| Ruby Murray | Curry | I'm going for a ruby. Ruby Murray was a singer in Glasgow back in the 30's or 40's - thanks to Peter Cotterell for the Ruby Murray info. N. Matthews tells me that Ruby was an Irish singer (1935-1996) popular in the mid to late 1950's. Got a note from Sandy Everitt who knew Ruby Murray 6 Ruby was a top recording star in the 1950's who achieved the rare feat of having five songs in the top 20 at one time. Ruby died in 1996 |
| Rum and Coke | Joke | |
| Runner Beans | Jeans | |
| Ruof | 4 | |
| Russell Harty | Party | I've phoned for a sherbert to take us to the Russell - Russell Harty is a TV host |
| Rusty Nail | Jail | |
| S |
| Salmon and Trout | Snout (cigarette) | Ere mate, give us a salmon, I'm right out.If you know where the expression 'snout' for cigarette comes from I'd like to include it. Martin McKerrell has written that Snout comes from snout rag meaning handkerchief (I'm thinking snot rag - JA) so Snout Rag = Fag = cigarrette. Also, Richard Beveridge has suggested that the term snout comes from prison life when the prisoners, who would take their daily exercise in silence, would signal a tobacco supplier that he needed cigarettes by touching his nose.- See "ins and outs" |
| Salmon and Trout | Snout (cigarette) | Ere mate, give us a salmon, I'm right out. If you know where the expression 'snout' for cigarette comes from I'd like to include it |
| Salvador Dali | Drink | |
| San Moritz | Shit's | |
| Sandshoe | Thank-you | |
| Sans Fairy Ann | I don't mind | |
| Santa's Grotto | Blotto (drunk) | |
| Saucepan Handle | Candle | |
| Saucepan Lids | Kids | I'm forever buy clothes for the saucepan lids |
| Sausage and Mash | Cash | I haven't got a sausage. A little bit different, but fairly common in many English speaking countries |
| Sausage and Mash | Crash | He was in a fearsome sausage. |
| Sausage Roll | Dole (welfare) | He ain't worked in years - he's on the sausage. |
| Sausage Roll | Goal | |
| Scapa Flow | Go | Scapa off! Actually pronounce 'Scarper' - just one example of not being satisfied with the slang, they then mispronounce the word to thoroughly confuse everyone |
| Schindlers List | Pissed (drunk) | I'm a bit schindlers after a too many forsythes |
| Scooby-Doo | Clue | I haven't got a scooby |
| Scooby-Doo | Subaru | Let's have a go in ya scooby-doo |
| Score | 20 | |
| Scotch Mist | Pissed (drunk) | e was completely scotch mist last night. |
| Scotch Pegs | Legs | Sit down and take a load off your pegs. For whatever reason, the common usage is the rhyming word rather than the first |
| Scott Gibbs | Fibs (lies) | He's been telling scotts again. Scott Gibbs is a rugby star |
| Scott Mills | Pills | |
| Scratch yer head (Scratcher) | Bed | |
| Screaming Alice | Crystal Palace | |
| Screw | Prison Officer | |
| Scuffers | Police | |
| Sebastion Coe | Toe | |
| Septic Tank | Yank | He's not very bright... septic, you know. |
| Sexton Blake | Fake | He wears a Cartier but it's a sexton See also 'Sexton Blake->cake' |
| Sexton Blake | Cake | ow about a nice slice of sexton? Possible that Sexton Blake was a detective in comic book stories (?) |
| Shake and Shiver | River | He jumped right into the shake |
| Shannon Tweed | Weed | |
| Shaun Ryder | Cider | |
| Shawshank Redemption | Pension | |
| Sherbet Dab | Cab (taxi) | e's been on the sherbert for five years (driving a cab). |
| Sherman Tank | Wank (masturbate) | e's a right sherman |
| Sherman Tank | Yank | |
| Shit | Brace and Bit | Just off or a brace |
| Shoe | Scooby Doo | Where are me Scooby's? |
| Shovel and Pick | Nick (prison) | He's spending a bit of time in the shovel. |
| Sieg Heils | Piles (hemorrhoids) | I'll stand if you don't mind - me sieg heils are acting up today. |
| Sigorney Weaver | Beaver | |
| Simon Said | Dead | |
| Sinbad the Sailor | Tailor | |
| Single Fish | Pish | |
| Skin and Blister | Sister | She may be his blister but she's nothing like him. |
| Sky Diver | Fiver | |
| Sky Rocket | Pocket | I've got nothing in my skies. |
| Slay 'em in the aisles | Piles (hemorrhoids) | Me slay 'ems are playing me up. |
| Slits in a Dress | Mess | |
| Snake's hiss | Piss | |
| Snout | Cigarette | |
| Snout | Informant | |
| Snow and Slush | Flush | |
| Sock and Blister | Sister | |
| Soldiers Bold | Cold | |
| Son 'n Daughter'd | Slaughtered | |
| Sorry and Sad | Bad | That dinner was a bit sorry. |
| Soup and Gravy | Navy | |
| Sovs | Pounds (currency) | |
| Spanish Archer | Elbow | |
| Spark and Smoulder | Shoulder | |
| Spotted Dick | Sick | We don't have a goalie 6 John's spotted .Spotted Dick is a dessert make with raisins |
| Sprarsy Anna | Tanner (sixpence) | Lend us a sprarsy - I wanna get some toe-rags (cigarettes) |
| St. Martins-Le-Grand | Hand | I had it in my St. Martins a minute ago |
| Stammer and Stutter | Butter | Extra stammer for me. |
| Stand at Ease | Cheese | Wouldn't mind a bit of ease. For whatever reason this one is backwards - the only rule is that there are no rules! |
| Steak & kidney | Sydney | |
| Steam Tug | Mug (fool) | |
| Steffi Graf | Laugh | |
| Steffi Graf | Bath | I'm just going for a steffi |
| Steffi Graf | Laugh | You're having a Steffi |
| Stench | Dame Judy (Dench) | |
| Steve Claridge | Garage | I've just gotta go down the Steve for some petrol . It helps if you realize that garage, which commonly rhymes with mirage in North America, more usually rhymes with carriage in Britain. A great Tony Hancock piece has him trying to act all condescending and pronouncing it the American way, confusing the ears off a local constable. Steve Claridge is a venerable striker, late of Leicester. |
| Steve McGarret | 50 | |
| Steve McQueens | Jean's | Me new steves are a bit tight |
| Stevey Bould | Cold | |
| Stevie | Cinema | |
| Sticky Toffee | Coffee | |
| Stinging nettle | Kettle | |
| Stoke on Trent | Bent (criminal) | e's stoke he is |
| Stoke on Trent | Bent (homosexual) | That bloke's a bit stoke See also 'Bent (criminal)' |
| Strange'n'Weird | Beard | |
| Strawberry Rhone | Phone | |
| Strawberry Split | Git (twit) | That bloke's a right strawberry |
| Strawberry Tart | Heart | |
| Suez Canal | Flannel | |
| Sugar Candy | Handy | |
| Supersonic | Tonic | How about a nice Vera and super (Gin & Tonic) |
| Supersonic | Gin and Tonic | |
| Swanee River | Liver | We're having swanee for dinner again? |
| Sweaty Sock | Jock (Scot) | There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a sweaty on a boat... |
| Sweaty Sock | Scot | |
| Sweeney Todd | Flying Squad | Here comes the Sweeney [the Flying Squad are the police] |
| Sydney | Kidney | |
| Syrup of Figs | Wig | What a syrup. |
| T |
| T and H | 8 | |
| Talk and Mutter | Butter | Would you like some talk on your toast |
| Taters in the Mould | Cold | |
| Tea Caddy | Paddy | Did you know Kevin is a tea caddy? |
| Tea Leaf | Thief | He's always been a bit of a tea leaf. [Usually the fully slang expression is used] |
| Tea Leafing | Thieving | |
| Teapot Lid | Quid | I'm down a teapot already. |
| Teapot Lids | Kids | I'm taking my little teapot to country. |
| Ted Ray | Gay (homosexual) | He's a bit Ted. Ted Ray was an actor/comedian in the sixties. This association actually comes from a particularly bad movie "My Wife's Family" where he played a character called Jack Gay. |
| Telecom Tower | Shower | |
| Ten Furlongs (Mile and a quarter) | Water | I'll have a gold watch and ten |
| Ten Speed Gears | Ears | Look at the size of 'is ten speeds |
| Tennis Racquet | Jacket | I bought a new tennis racquet |
| Terry Waite | Late | You're a bit Terry Waite |
| Texas Ranger | Stranger | This pub is full of Texas Rangers these days |
| There you are | Bar | |
| Thirteen Amp | Tramp (hobo) | Look at that bunch of thirteen amps over there. thirteen amps is the standard electrical receptacle in Britain |
| This and That | Cat | |
| Three Card Trick | Dick (penis) | She couldn't keep her jazz bands off my three card trick |
| Three Wheel Trike | Dyke (Lesbian) | She's a bit of a three wheeler |
| Thr'penny Bit | Tits (breasts) | Look at the Thr'penny's on her. |
| Thumb and Pinky | Chinky | |
| tic tac | Sack | |
| Tick | Tock | |
| Tick-Tock | Clock | |
| Tiddley Wink | Drink | Just one more tiddley and I'm off; or, He's popped down to the pub for a tiddle. |
| Tilbury Docks | Socks | |
| Tile | Hairstyle | |
| Tin Bath | Laugh | |
| Tin Flute | Suit | I'll be wearing me tin flute |
| Tin Lids | Kids | I can't put me foot down without stepping on one of the tin lids. |
| Tin Tack | Sack (fired) | He got the tin tack the other day. |
| Tin Tank | Bank | |
| Tit for Tat | Hat | Lovely titfer. |
| Tit Willow | Pillow | |
| Toblerone | On My Own | He's over there on his toblerone. |
| Toby Ale | Rail | 'e's traveling by toby. |
| Toby Jug | Mug (chump) | I'm tired of people taking me for a toby |
| Todd Sloan | Alone | Looks like I'm on my Todd tonight. |
| Todd Sloane | On your own | |
| Toe Rag | Slag (prostitute) | She's a right toe rag. |
| Toe-Rag | Fag (cigarette) | Lend us a sprarsy - I wanna get some toe-rags. Toe-rags refer to the rags people used to wrap around their feet when they didn't have shoes... we used to call our socks toe-rags which is probably the same origin. He also says his old dad used to call some people a toe-rag and suspects it might have been an insult (reference to fag = queer). Toe rag couls also refer to a small time petty thief, in his words "the sort of dirty little toe rag who would live next door and break into your house and nick the Christmas presents", "term is commonly used, at least in Scotland, meaning just a bit stronger than "rascal" and probably spelled without the e: 'You little torag.' I always thought it did come from terms used to refer to travelling people. |
| Tom and Dick | Sick | He's feeling a bit Tom. |
| Tom and Jerry | Merry | E's a tommy bloke. |
| Tom Foolery | Jewellery | That bloke looks a flash, look at all his tom. |
| Tom Jones | Bones | Ooh, me toms are clicking. |
| Tom Mix | 6 | |
| Tom Tank | Wank | |
| Tom Thumb | Rum | A wee bit of Tom and I'm off. |
| Tom Tit | Shit | I'm going for a Tom Tit. |
| Tom, Dick and Harry | Dictionary | I'll just check the meaning in the tom. |
| Tommy Tank | Bank | I'm going 'round the tommy to pay in a gooses. |
| Tommy Tank | Wank (masturbate) | She's probably at home doing a tommy. |
| Tommy Tucker | Supper | You can sing for your Tommy. |
| Ton | 100 | |
| Tonic | Philharmonic | I'll have a Vera and Phil (gin and tonic). |
| Tony Blair | Hair | |
| Tony Slattery | Battery | |
| Top Hat | Chat | |
| Town Halls | Balls | |
| Tramp on a bench | Wench | |
| Trap One | Toilet | |
| Treacle | Tart | |
| Tree trunk | Skunk | |
| Trombone | Phone | |
| Trouble and Strife | Wife | I'm taking my trouble dancing tonight. |
| Tufnell Park | Lark (fun) | Always one for a tufnell. |
| Tumble down the sink | Drink | |
| Turkish Bath | Laugh | He's havin' a turkish. |
| Turkish Delight | Shite | |
| Turtle Dove | Love | All right me old turtle. |
| Turtle Dove's | Gloves | Where's me turtle dove's. |
| Twist and Shouts | Sprouts | I love bubble and squeak made with Twist and Shouts. |
| Twist and Twirl | Girl | She looks like a nice twist. |
| Two and Eight | State (anguish) | He's in a two and eight over it. |
| Two Bob Bit | Shit | |
| Two Fat Ladies | 88 | |
| Two Little Ducks | 22 | |
| Two-Bob Bits | Shits (diarrhoea) | I've got a real case of the two-bob bits. |
| U |
| Uncle Bert | Shirt | I've got to press my uncle. |
| Uncle Billy | Chilly | |
| Uncle Bob | Knob | 'e's a bit proud of his Uncle Bob. |
| Uncle Dick | Sick | I can't come out tonight - I'm feeling a bit Uncle Dick. |
| Uncle Fred | Bread | Hey, mum. Can I have some Uncle Fred with this? |
| Uncle Fred | Dead | |
| Uncle Ned | Head | |
| Uncle Reg | Veg | |
| Uncle Sam | Ham | |
| Uncle Ted | Bed | I'm off to Uncle Ted. |
| Uncle Toms | Bombs | |
| Uncle Willy | Silly | |
| V |
| Valerie Singleton | 1 | |
| Van Gogh Ear | Left Here | |
| Vera Lynn | Skin (cigarette paper) | Got any vera's? |
| Vera Lynn | Gin | I'll have one more Vera before I hit the frog and toad. |
| Vincent Price | Ice | |
| Vindaloo | Clue | He hasn't got a bloody vinda. |
| Vodka and Tonic | VAT (value added tax) | |
| Von Trappe | Crap | |
| W |
| Wallace and Gromit | Vomit | One more pint and I'll Wallace, mate. |
| Wally Grout | Shout (round) | It's your wally, mate (ie. It's your turn to buy a round of drinks). Wally Grout was an Australian cricketer who died in 1968. |
| Wally's Scarf | Laugh | He's having a wally. |
| Walter Mitty | Titty (breast) | She's got a lovely set of walters. |
| Watford Gap | Slap | I'm gonna give you a Watford 'round yer chevy. |
| Weakest Link | Drink | |
| Weasel and Stoat | Coat | I left my weasel in the pub. |
| Weavers' Chair | Prayer | Haven't got a weaver's of getting into her alans. A weaver's chair has a low profile back allowing free movement of the arms. |
| Website | Sight | Get out of me website. |
| Weeping Willow | Pillow | ere. Get yer head off my weeping willow. |
| West End Thespian | Lesbian | She's a lovely girl but she is west end, you know. |
| West Ham Reserves | Nerves | e's got a bad case of the West Ham's. |
| Westminster Abbey | Shabby | He's turned out a bit westminster today. |
| Weston-Super-Mare | Nightmare | Went for an interview yesterday - it was a total Weston-Super. Weston Super Mare is the main coastal resort of North Somerset. |
| Wheeltappers and Shunters | Punters | |
| Whiskey and Soda | Voda (mobile phone) | |
| Whiskey Malt | Fault | |
| Whistle and Flute | Suit | He bought himself a new whistle for the wedding. |
| White Mice | Ice | |
| Widow Twanky | Hanky | |
| Wilson Picket | Ticket | I want to go to New York, but I can't afford the wilsons. |
| Wind and Kite | Web Site | Check out me wind and kite. |
| Windjammer | Hammer | |
| Winona Ryder | Cider | Can I get two pints of winona please. |
| Wobbly Jelly | Telly | |
| Wooden Plank | Yank | Then this wooden bloke walked in. |
| Wooly Hat and Scarf | Laugh | |
| Wyatt Earp | Burp | |
| Y |
| Yabba-Dabba-Doo | Shoes | Nice pair of yabba's mate. For them what don't have a classical education, "Yabba-Dabba-Doo" was the catch phrase of Fred Flintstone. |
| You and Me | Tea | Fancy a cup of you and me? |
| You Must | Crust | |
| You're having a Giraffe | Laugh | |
| Yuri Geller | Stella | |
| Z |
| Zig and Zag | Shag | |
