| COCKNEY | ENGLISH | USE AND CULTURAL MATTERS |
 A |
| Abergavenny | Penny | |
| Abraham Lincoln | Stinkin | |
| Acker Bilk | Milk | Would you like Acker in your coffee? Acker Bilk (born Bernard Stanley Bilk) was born in 1929 is a master of the clarinet and leader of the Paramount Jazz Band. Interestingly, his nickname Acker is a Somerset term meaning friend or mate |
| Ackers | Money | |
| Adam and Eve | Believe | I don't Adam and Eve it! [Usually full slang expression is used] |
| Adam Ant | Pants | Get your adam's on |
| Adrian Quist | Pissed | |
| Airs and Graces | Faces | |
| Airs and Graces | Braces | He's got his new airs on. |
| Alan Minter | Splinter | Picked up this wood and got a terrible Alan in me finger. Alan Minter is a British boxer with a current record of 39-9 (23 by KO)] |
| Alan Whickers | Knickers | The 'lastics gone in me alans. Alan Whicker used to host a TV programme called Whickers World |
| Alans | Pants | |
| Alderman's Nail | Tail | He's always wagging his alderman's. |
| Ali McGraw | Straw | |
| All Night Rave | Shave | |
| All Time Loser | Boozer | |
| Allan Border | Out of Order | He's bang Allan. used when someone does something to another person that is not looked upon favourably. Allan Border was the Australian cricket captain in the late 80's/early 90's so we now have our first example of international rhyming slang. |
| Alligator | Later | |
| Almond Rocks | Socks | Wouldn't it be nice if your almonds matched? |
| Alphonse | Ponce | |
| Ancient Greek | Reek | |
| Andy Cain | Rain | |
| Anna Maria | Fire | |
| Anneka Rice | Ice | |
| 'appeny dip | Ship | |
| Apple Core | Score (£20) | I gave me last apple to that old paraffin. |
| Apple Fritter | Bitter (beer) | I've tried that new apple but I prefer my salmon [Salmon and trout - stout]. |
| Apple Tart | Fart | |
| Apples and Pears | Stairs | Get yourself up the apples. |
| April fool | Stool | |
| April fool | Tool | |
| April Fools | Football Pools | |
| April in Paris | Arse | I'm 'aving terrible trouble with me April How can such a simple word have so many convoluted references? April in Paris -> Aris (from Aristotle -> bottle which is from bottle and glass -> arse.) |
| April Showers | Flowers | I forgot it was my anniversary, so I picked some aprils on the way home. |
| Archer | 2000 | |
| Are you George? | Are you sure? | |
| Aris | Arse | |
| Aristotle | Bottle | If you want milk, put the Ari on the doorstep. Every now and again they throw a curve at you. One person has suggested that, not being familiar with Aristotle, early Cockney's might have assumed the name was Harry Stottle! |
| Army and Navy | Gravy | Can I have some army for my mashed? |
| Arnold Palmer | Farmer (see usage) | e's a right Arnold. I love this one - it refers to a golfer who spends a lot of time in the long grass around a course |
| Artful Dodger | Lodger | She's taken in an artful to help pay the way. |
| Arthur Ashe | Cash | That blokes not short of Arthur |
| Arthur Bliss | Piss | I'm just popping out for an Arthur .Arthur Bliss was a famous English composer (1891-1975). |
| Arthur Scargill | Gargle (drunk) | e's right Authur'd |
| Ascot Races | Braces | |
| Aunt Nell | Smell | He don't half Aunt Nell |
| Auntie Annie | Fanny | She's just sitting at home on her Auntie Annie |
| Auntie Dot | Hot | |
| Auntie Ella | Umbrella | Wonderful - it's starting to rain and me without my Auntie Ella. |
| Auntie Lily | Silly | |
| Auntie Nellie | Belly | I punched him in the Auntie but he didn't even notice. |
| Ayrton Senna | Tenner | ere, lend us an aryton me old china. Ayrton Senna was a Formula One driver |
| B |
| Babbling Brook | Crook | He's always on the babble. Meaning he's always planning something crooked. See also Cook. |
| Babbling Brook | Cook | My missus couldn't babble to save her life. See also Crook. |
| Bacon and Eggs | Legs | Lovely set of bacons. |
| Bacon Rind | Blind | Are you completely bacon? |
| Bacon Sarnie | Pakistani | They've hired a new bloke at the shop - he's a bacon. Sarnie is a slang term for sandwich (and if you haven't eaten a cold bacon sandwich you haven't lived. |
| Bag of Fruit | Suit | |
| Bag of Sand | Grand | He owes me a bag. |
| Bag of Yeast | Priest | |
| Baked Bean | Queen (Elizabeth II) | |
| Baked Potato | Later | I'll see ya baked. |
| Baker's Dozen | Cousin | |
| Bale of Hay | Gay | Don't bother Britany - he's bale. |
| Bale of Straw | Raw | |
| Ball of Chalk | Walk | After a heavy meal I like quick ball round the square. |
| Balloon Car | Saloon Bar | I'll be at the balloon. |
| Ballroom Blitz | Tits (breasts) | She's got marvellous ballrooms. Ballroom Blitz is a song by a group named Sweet. |
| Band of Hope | Soap | |
| Bangers and Mash | Cash | I knew his cheques were dodgy, so I got him to pay me in bangers. |
| Bar | 1000000 | |
| Barclays Bank | Wank | He's having a barclays. |
| Barn Owl | Row (argument) | Went up to the dole office today. 'Ad a bit of a barney with the geezer behind the desk. Not satisfied with the slang, the word is extended to 'Barney' to thoroughly confuse everyone. |
| Barnaby Rudge | Judge | I'm up in front of the Barnaby tomorrow morning. |
| Barnacle Bills | Testicles | |
| Barnet Fair | Hair | She must be going out - she's got her Barnet done. |
| Barney Marlin | M'Darlin | |
| Barney Rubble | Trouble | Stay away from him. He's really Barney. |
| Barry Crocker | Shocker | |
| Barry Mcguigan | Biggun (big one) | |
| Barry White | Shite (shit) | I need a Barry White. |
| Basil Fawlty | Balti | |
| Basil Fawlty | 40 | |
| Basin of Gravy | Baby | |
| Bat and Wicket | Ticket | I've got a bat for tonight's train. |
| Battle Cruiser | Boozer (liquor store) | I've got to get to the battle before I go to the party. |
| Battle of Waterloo | Stew | |
| Bazaar | Bar | |
| Beans on Toast | Evening Post | Go and buy the beans on toast will you son. |
| bear's paw | Saw | |
| Bed and Breakfast | 26 | |
| Beecham's Pill | Bill (statement) | I got my Beecham's from the tax people. |
| Beecham's Pill | Still | |
| Bees and Honey | Money | Can't go in there without any bees. |
| Bee's Knees | Business | |
| beggar my neighbour | Labour | |
| Ben Cartwright | Shite | |
| Bended Knees | Cheese | |
| Bengal Lancer | Chancer (someone not qualified) | News paper adds would state no bengal lancers when advertising for tradesmen. |
| Benny Hills | Pills | |
| Berlin Walls | Balls | Me pants are too tight and making me berlins wobbly. |
| Bernard Matthew | Queue | |
| Bernie Flint | Skint | |
| Bernie Winter | Printer | |
| Betty Grable | Table | |
| Bexley Heath | Teeth | |
| Biffo the Bear | Hair | Me biffo's not looking the best today. Biffo the Bear was on the cover of Beano from 1948 to 1974. |
| Big Ben | Ten | |
| Big Dippers | Slippers | |
| Bill Murray | Curry | |
| Billie Jean | Clean | |
| Billie Piper | Windshield Wiper | |
| Billies Bunter | Punters | |
| Billy Goat | Throat | I've got a sore billy goat. |
| Bin Lid | Quid | |
| Bird Lime | Time | What's the bird? |
| Bird's Nest | Chest | I had to punch him in the bird's nest. |
| Biscuit and Cookie | Rookie | |
| Biscuit Tin | Chin | He's got a big biscuit. |
| Biscuits and Cheese | Knees | I've been on my biscuits all day. |
| bladder of lard | Card | |
| Blood Red | Head | She likes to give blood. |
| Blushing Bride | Girl Guide | |
| Bo Diddley | Kidney | Me bo's are giving me gyp. |
| Boat Race | Face | Nice legs, shame about the boat. Also a good song by The Monks. |
| Bob | 1 Shilling (5 pence) | |
| Bob Cryer | Liar | Shut up you Bob - yer talking out yer aris. Sergeant Bob Cryer is a character in "The Bill". |
| Bob Hope | Dope (marijuana) | I think he's been smoking a bit of Bob Hope. |
| Bob Hope | Soap | |
| Bob McNab | Cab | |
| Bob Squash | Wash | |
| Bobble Hat | Laugh | |
| Bobby & Dick | Sick | |
| Bobby Moore | Sure | |
| Bobby Moore | Score | You know the Bobby. Bobby Moore was a great footballer who died in 1993. |
| Boiler House | Spouse | Me boiler's always yammerin' on. |
| Bonney Fair | Hair | She's got beautiful shiny bonney. |
| Boom and Mizzen | Prison | e's off to the boom for a bit. |
| Bo-Peep | Sleep | What I need is a good bo-peep. |
| Borassic Lint | Skint (broke) | He's right boric. |
| Boris Karloff | Cough | That's a nasty old boris you've got there son. |
| Boris the Bold | Cold | |
| Born and Bred | Bed | |
| Bottle and Glass | Arse | I gave him a good kick up the bottle. |
| Bottle and Glass | Class | |
| Bottle and Stopper | Copper (Police Officer) | |
| Bottle of bass | Gas | |
| Bottle of Glue | 2 | |
| Bottle of porter | Daughter | |
| Bottle of Sauce | Horse | |
| Bottles and Stoppers | Coppers (police) | Blimey - I think the bottles are on to me! |
| Boutrous Gali | Charlie (cocaine) | |
| Bow and Arrow | Sparrow | Little bow and arrow fell out of the nest. Usually the full slang expression is used. |
| Bow and Arrow | Barrow | |
| Bow and Arrows | Farrahs (trousers) | Nice pair of bow and arrows. Use your best Cockney accent here. |
| Bowl of Fruit | Suit | Are you wearing your bowl of fruit tonight? |
| Bowler Hat | Chat | Let's get together for a bowler. |
| Box of Toys | Noise | Hold your box - they can hear you miles away! |
| Brace and Bits | Tits (breasts) | Blimey - what a brace! |
| Brad Pitt | Shit | I right need a Brad Pitt. |
| Brad Pitt | Tit (breast) | Nice pair of brads. |
| Brahms and Liszt | Pissed (drunk) | He's well Brahms and Liszt , don't give him any more to drink. |
| Brass Tacks | Facts | Ere, you've got your brass wrong! |
| Bread & Jam | Van | |
| Bread and Butter | Gutter | Found him laying in the bread and butter. Usually full slang expression is used. |
| Bread and Cheese | Sneeze | I hate allergies - one good bread after another. |
| Bread and Honey | Money | Let's drink with him - he's got bread. This one has enjoyed very common usage. |
| Bread knife | Wife | |
| Brenda Lee | Key | Where's me brenda's? |
| Brian Clough | Rough | |
| Bricks and Mortar | Daughter | |
| Brigham Young | Tongue | |
| Bright and Breezy | Easy | |
| Brighton Pier | Queer (homosexual) | That blokes a bit of a Brighton. |
| Briney Marlin | Darlin' | You look lovely tonight, me old briney. |
| Bristol Cities | Titties (breasts) | She's got a lovely pair of Bristols. |
| Bristol Pistol | Brassiere | |
| British Rail | Mail | |
| Brittney Spears | Beers | ow about a Brittney? |
| Brixton Riot | Diet | |
| Bromley by bow's | Toes | |
| Brown Bread | Dead | I'm telling you, mate. He's brown bread |
| Bruce Lee's | Keys | Have you seen me brucies? |
| Brussel Sprout | Shout | |
| Brussel Sprouts | Scouts | He's always been a brussel. |
| Bubble and Squeak | Greek | E's not a bad bloke for a bubble. Bubble and squeak is a uniquely British dish of fried mashed potatoes and something green (usually cabbage, but left over brussel sprouts work well) |
| Bubble and Squeak | Week | |
| Bubble Bath | Laugh | You're 'avin a bubble aren't ya? |
| Bucket and Pail | Jail | One drink too many and I get seven days in the bucket. |
| Bugle | Nose | |
| Bugs Bunny | Money | I've got some Bugs bunny in me sky rocket and I'm off down the rub-a-dub-dub. |
| Bull and Cow | Row (argument) | Had a right bull with my misses last night. |
| Bullock's Horn | Pawn (as in-pawn) | |
| Bungle & Zippy | Nippy | |
| Bunny | Talk | |
| Burnt Cinder | Window | Close the bloody burnt. This works if you mispronounce window... winda - and cinder... cinda as any good Englishman would. |
| Burton on Trent | Rent | They've raised my burton again. |
| Bushel and Peck | Neck | He's got a bushel like tree trunk. |
| Bushey Park | Joke | |
| Bushey Park | Lark | |
| Buster Keaton | Meetin' (meeting) | We'll see you at the Buster. |
| Butcher's Hook | Look | Here - take a butcher's at this. |
| C |
| Cab Rank | Bank | I won't be long - just going to the cab rank. |
| Cadbury's (snack) | Back | |
| Cain and Abel | Table | Sit yourself at the cain and I'll bring you your Tommy (Tommy Tucker - supper). |
| Callards | Trousers | |
| Calvin Klein | 9 | |
| Calvin Klein | Fine | I'm calvin today. |
| Cambridge and Oxford | Ugly Face | |
| Camel's Hump | Dump (shit) | Just going for a quick camels. |
| Can of Oil | Boil | e'd be nice looking once his canov's clear up. |
| canal boat | Tote | |
| Canary | Fairy (Gay) | |
| Candle Wax | Tax | |
| Candlesticks | Zits | |
| Canoes | Shoes | |
| Cape of Good Hope | Soap | Go wash yourself - and use the cape. |
| Captain Cook | Look | |
| Captain Hook | Book | I've read this captain. |
| Captain Kirk | Work | |
| Cardboard Box | Pox | |
| Carpet | 3 | |
| Carpet Pile | Smile | |
| Cash and Carried | Married | Poor bloke got cashed on the weekend. |
| Cat and Cages | Wages | |
| Cat and Dog | Bog (Toilet) | |
| Cat and Mouse | House | Went 'round to his cat to wake him up. |
| Century | 100 | |
| Chalfont St Giles | Piles (hemorrhoids) | Me chalfonts are playing up. |
| Chalk Farm | Arm | He broke his chalk. |
| Charing Cross | Horse | |
| Charlie Brown | Clown | |
| Charlie Chan | Tan | |
| Charlie Dicken | Chicken | |
| Charlie Hunt | Cunt (Fool) | |
| Charlie Nash | Slash | |
| Charlie Pride | Ride | |
| Charlie Ronce | Ponce | |
| Chas and Dave | Shave | I'm off for a chas. |
| Cheerful Giver | Liver | Lovely - cheerful for dinner tonight. |
| Cheese & Ham | Scram | |
| Cheese & Kisses | Missus | |
| Cheese and Rice | Jesus Christ | |
| Cheese Gratter | Raver | |
| Cheese rind | Four of a Kind | |
| Cheesy Quaver | Favour | Do us a cheesy, put it on your web site. |
| Chelsea Pier | Queer | |
| Cheltenham Bold | Cold | |
| Cheque | Gregory Peck | I never 'ad any bread on me, so I 'ad to pay by Gregory. |
| Cherry Hogg | Dog | My bloody cherry is off again. |
| Cherry Ripe | Pipe | |
| Chevy Chase | Face | She's got a lovely Chevy Chase. |
| Chicken & Hen | 10 | |
| Chicken and Rice | Nice | |
| Chicken Oriental | Mental (crazy) | It was chicken oriental down the nuclear on Friday night. |
| Chicker | Haircut | |
| China Plate | Mate | How are you, my old china? |
| Chinese Blind | Mind | You're out of you little chinese mate. |
| Ching | 5 | |
| Chipmunks | Trunks | |
| Chips & Peas | Knees | |
| Chitty Chitty Bang Bang | Cockney Rhyming Slang | We're talking about chitty chitty on this web site. |
| Chocolate Fudge | Judge | |
| chopsticks | Six | |
| Christian Slater | Later | See you Christian Slater. |
| Christmas crackered | Knackered | |
| Church Boys | Customs & Excise | |
| Cilla Black | Back | |
| Cilla Black | Late | You're a bit Cilla today, mate. |
| Claire Rayners | Trainers (running shoes) | I've got me new Claire Rayners on. Claire Rayner is an author. |
| Claret (red wine) | Blood | |
| Clement Freud | hemorrhoid | Oooh, me clements! |
| clickety click | Sixty-six | |
| Clothes Peg | Egg | |
| Coals and Coke | Broke | |
| Coat Hanger | Clanger (mistake) | He dropped a coat. A clanger is when you really put your foot in it. |
| Cobbler's Awls | Balls (testicles) | Go on! Kick him in the cobblers! Can also be used to express disbelief, such as "Cobblers! That's not the way it is." |
| Cock and Hen | Ten | I didn't get much change back from a cock |
| cock linnet | Minute | |
| Cock Sparrow | Barrow | He's wheeling his cock 'round the market. |
| Cockle | Tenner | |
| Cockle and Mussells | Brussells (sprouts) | |
| Colonel Gadaffi | Cafe | |
| Comedy Dave | Rave (dance) | You coming to the comedy? Comedy Dave is a Radio 1 DJ |
| Comic Cuts | Guts | |
| Conan Doyle | Boil | This one was sent to me - I'm not familiar with it. Don't know if it means boil as in hot water or boil as in 'better see a doctor' |
| Constantino Rocca | Shocker | Played a round of golf yesterday - had a complete Constantino .Constantino Rocca is an Italian golfer |
| Corn on the Cob | Job | e can't afford it - 'e ain't got a corn |
| Cough and Drag | Fag (cigarette) | I'm going out for a quick cough and drag |
| Council Gritter | Shitter (rectum) | When I sat down there was a pin on my chair! Right up the council gritter! He reports that a council gritter is the machine that comes around and puts grit on icy roads |
| country cousin | Dozen | |
| Cow and Calf | Half (a pint) | I could use a cow and calf. He reports that there's a pub in Grenoside (near Sheffield) called the Cow and Calf |
| Cows Calf | Laugh | Your having a cows calf, ain't you |
| Cozzer's | Cops | |
| Cream cookies | Bookies | |
| Cream Crackered | Knackered (tired) | I'm cream crackered, mate. |
| Crosby, Stills, Nash | Cash | That blokes not short of Crosby |
| Crown Jewels | Tools | |
| Crust of Bread | Head | Use your crust, mate. |
| Cucumbers | Numbers | |
| Cuddle and Kiss | Miss | She's a cute little cuddle. |
| Currant Bun | Son | He's awfully proud of his currant. |
| Current Bun | Nun | My meanest teachers were currents |
| Current Bun | Sun | Old current bun's out today |
| Custard and Jelly | Telly (TV) | As usual, nothing on the custard tonight. |
| Cuts and Scratches | Matches | Do you have any cuts? |
| D |
| Daffy Down Dilly | Silly | e's a bit daffy. Daffy Down Dilly is a line of dolls from Madam Alexander. |
| Daft and Barmy | Army | He was promoted in the daft. |
| Daily Mail | Tale | |
| Daisy Dancers | Stairs | Get yerself up the daisy dancers. This one's a bit convoluted: Daisy Dancer => Dancing Bears => Stairs. The daisy dancer reference is a twist on the Dancing Bears=>Stairs slang. |
| Daisy Roots | Boots | You can't go out in the rain without your daisies. |
| Dame Judy Dench | Stench | A right Dame Judy in here |
| Dancing Bears | Stairs | Get yerself up the dancing bears |
| Dancing Fleas | Keys | |
| Daniel Boone | Spoon | Pass me a daniel |
| Danny La Rue | Clue | He ain't got a danny. |
| Danny Marr | Car (flash one) | |
| Darby and Joan | Moan | |
| Darling Daughter | Water | |
| Darren Gough | Cough | This Darren is killing me pants and vest Darren Gough is one heck of a cricketer. |
| David Boon | Spoon | Pass me that David Boon. David Boon is an Australian cricketer |
| David Bowie | Blowy (Windy) | |
| David Gower | Shower | I'd just got out of the David Gower. David Gower is an English cricketer |
| David Gowers | Towers | |
| David Mellors | Stellas (beers) | |
| Day's Work | 100 | |
| Dead Horse | Sauce | Pass the dead horse |
| Dead Loss | Boss | |
| Dead Ross | Tomato Sauce | |
| Deaf and Dumb | Bum | |
| Deep Sea Diver | Fiver | |
| Deep sea glider | Cider | |
| Dental Flosser | Tosser | |
| Derby Kelly | Belly | That's the stuff for you Derby Kell; makes you fit and it makes you well .From old cockney song Boiled Beef and Carrots - pronounced Darby. |
| Desmond Hackett | Jacket | |
| Desmond Tutu | 2:2 (lower second class degree) | He's got his Desmond |
| Desperate Dan | Suntan | |
| Desperate Dans | Cans (headphones) | ere - put your desperates on |
| Dick Van Dyke | Bike | |
| Dickory Dock | Clock | What's the time on the dickory? |
| Dicky Bird | Word | He left without so much as a dicky. |
| Dicky Dirt | Shirt | Put your dicky dirt on before the company gets here. |
| Dig in the Grave | Shave | A quick shower and dig and I'll be ready to go. |
| Ding Dong | Song | Everyone gather round the piano for a ding dong. Usually the full slang expression is used |
| Ding Dong Bell | Hell | |
| Dinky Do | Twenty-two | |
| Dinky Doos | Shoes | |
| Dirty Den | 10 | |
| Dixie Deans | Jeans | |
| Do me Good | Wood | |
| Doctor Crippen | Dripping | |
| Doctor Dre | Gay (homosexual) | E's a bit of a doctor. Dr. Dre is a rap artist |
| Dog and Bone | Phone | She's always on the dog. |
| Dog's Eye | Meat Pie | |
| Dog's Knob | Job | Me new motor is just the dog's knob |
| Dolly Dimple | Simple | She's a bit Dolly Dimple |
| Dolly Mixtures | Pictures | |
| Donald Duck | Luck | How's your Donald? |
| Donald Duck | F**k | |
| Donald Peers | Ears | |
| Donald Trump | Dump (shit) | I've got to go for a donald |
| Donkey Rides | Strides (trousers) | He's wearing black donkeys |
| Donkey's Ears | Years | Ain't seen you in donkeys mate. |
| Dorothy Dicks | 6 | |
| Dorothy Squires | Tyres | |
| Dot and Dash | Cash | |
| Dot Cotton | Rotten | |
| Doug McClure | Whore | |
| Douglas Hurd | Turd (shit) | I need to dump a Douglas . Douglas Hurd is a politician. |
| Dover Harbour | Barber | I'm off to Dover to get me barnet sorted |
| Down the Drains | Brains | |
| D'Oyly Carte | Fart | Have you done a d'oyly? D'Oyly Carte is a light opera company |
| Drip Dry | Cry | |
| Drum and Bass | Face | |
| Drum and Fife | Knife | |
| Drum Roll | Hole | Let's pop 'round to my drum (referring to someone's house). |
| Drummond and Roce | Knife and Fork | |
| Duane Eddies | Readies (cash) | |
| Duchess of Fife | Wife | Now my old dutch, where are we off to tonight? |
| Duchess of Teck | Cheque | |
| Duck and Dive | Skive | |
| Duck's Arse | Grass (Informant) | |
| Dudley Moore's | Sores | |
| Duke of Argyles | Piles | |
| Duke of Kent | Rent | I can't afford to pay the Duke of Kent this week |
| Duke of York | Chalk | |
| Duke of York | Fork | Keep your fingers out of your grub, man. Use a duke |
| Duke Of York | Cork | |
| Dunkirk | Work | |
| Dunlop Tyre | Liar | 'e's a bit of a dunlop |
| Dustbin Lids | Kids | A nice girl but too many dustbin's. |
| Dustins Hoffman | Rothmans | |
| E |
| Ear'ole (Ear Hole) | Dole (welfare) | If I get the tin tack I'm going on the ear'ole |
| Early Hour | Flower | |
| Eartha Kitt | Shit | I'm going for an Eartha |
| Eartha Kitts | Tits (breasts) | Nice Eartha's |
| Earwig | Twig | |
| East and West | Vest | |
| East Ham | Mad | |
| East West | Breast | 'ave a look at her easts |
| Easy Rider | Cider | Pint of Easy Rider please |
| Eau de cologne | Phone | |
| Eddie Grundies | Undies | |
| Edgar Alan Poe | Tow | |
| Edinburgh Fringe | Minge | |
| Edna Everage | Beverage | Would you like an Edna? Edna Everage (aka Dame Edna) is a star, darling! |
| Edward Heath | Teeth | He got smacked in the Edwards. Edward Heath was PM in the early 1970's |
| Egg Yolk | Joke | |
| Eiffel Tower | Shower | |
| Eighteen Pence | Sense | |
| Elephant and Castle | Arsehole | |
| Elephant's Trunk | Drunk | He shouldn't be driving! He's bloody elephant's. |
| Elliot Ness | Mess | My drum's a right Elliot |
| Elsie Tanner | Spanner (wrench) | Can I borrow your elsie |
| Elsie Tanner | Planner | |
| Emma Freuds | Hemorrhoids | Me Emma's are playing me up. Emma is a BBC DJ on Radio 1 |
| Ernie Marsh | Grass | |
| Errol Flynn | Chin | |
| Euan Blair | Leicester Square | We're getting off the train at Euan Blair station |
| Evening Breeze | Cheese | |
| Everton Toffee | Coffee | I'll have an everton |
| Eyes of Blue | True | |
| F |
| Fainting Fits | Tits (breasts) | Wouldn't mind getting me germans on her faintings |
| Faith and Hope | Soap | Where's the faith and hope, I wanna wash me 'ands |
| Falun Gong | Wrong | It seems to have all gone a bit falun gong. From semi-obscure evil Chinese cult with tendency to inaccuracy, therefore appropriate. |
| Family Tree | Lavatory | |
| Fanny Blair | Hair | |
| Fanny Craddock | Haddock | |
| Fanny Hill | Pill (Contraceptive) | |
| Far East | Priest | |
| Farmer Giles | Piles (hemorrhoids) | Blimey, I ain't 'alf suffering from me farmers |
| Farmer's Daughter | Quarter | |
| Fat and Skinny | Mini | |
| Fat and Wide | Bride | |
| Fatboy Slim | Gym | I'm going down to the fatboy .Fatboy Slim is a recording artist |
| Father Ted | Dead | |
| Feathers | 33 | |
| Fibre of your fabric | Loot (money) | C'mon, let me feel the fibre of your fabric. fabric=>suit=>loot] |
| Fiddle De Dee | Pee / Wee | |
| Field of Wheat | Street | He out standing in the field, waiting for a bus. |
| Fine and Dandy | Brandy | A small drop of fine would suit me. |
| Finger and Thumb | Rum | |
| Finlay Quaye | Gay (homosexual) | That boozer is Finlay ub .Finlay Quaye is a musician |
| Finsbury Park | Mark | |
| Fireman's Hose | Nose | Look at the size of his fireman's |
| First Aid Kits | Tits | |
| Fish and Chips | Tips (Gratuities) | |
| Fish Hook | Book | I've read the new fish by Deighton. |
| Fisherman's Daughter | Water | |
| Five to Two | Jew | If you're a fiver then today's your Sabbath. |
| Flight Lieutenant Biggles | Giggles | |
| Flowers and Frolics | Bollocks | |
| Flowery Dell | Cell | I've got three more years in this flower. |
| Fly-by-Nights | Tights | |
| Foot pump | Dump | |
| Fore and Aft | Daft | |
| Fork and Knife | Wife | |
| Forrest Gump | Dump (shit) | "Off out in 10 minutes?" "Yeah, just got to have a Forrest first". |
| Forsythe Saga | Lager | Mines a forsythe |
| Four by Two | Jew | He's not from around here - he's a four. |
| Four Seasons | Reasons | |
| Four Wheeler | Sheila | |
| Francis Drakes | Brakes | |
| Frank Bough | Off | |
| Frankie Howard | Coward | |
| Frankie Vaughan | Porn | Is there any Frankie on the telly tonight? |
| Frankie Vaughan | Prawn | |
| Fred Astaire | Hair | |
| Fred McMurrays | Worries | |
| French Kiss | Piss (Urinate) | |
| Friar Tuck | Luck | E always had a bit of friar tuck. |
| Fridge Freezer | Geezer | |
| Frog and Toad | Road | Don't ride your bike on the frog. See Road => Kermit |
| Front Door | Bore | |
| Front Wheel Skid | Yid (Jew) | He's a front wheel. |
| Fruit Gum | Chum | How yer doing, my old fruit |
| Frying Pan | Fan | |
| Fugly | Ugly | |
| G |
| Gamma Ray | Stray | That Mary's a bit of a gamma |
| Gang and Mob | Gob (mouth) | He's got a big gang |
| Garden Gate | 8 | |
| Garden Gate | Magistrate | |
| Garden Gate | Late | |
| Garden Gate | Mate | |
| Gary Abblets | Tablets (Ecstasy) | |
| Gary Glitter | Bitter (beer) | Give us a pint of gary |
| Gary Glitter | Shitter (rectum) | He kicked him right up the Gary |
| Gary Player | All Dayer (all day drinking) | Let's make it a Gary Player |
| Gates of Rome | Home | |
| Gathers | Cops | |
| Gavvers | Police | |
| Gay & Hearty | Party | |
| Gay and Frisky | Whisky | I'll have a gay and I'm off. Be careful where you use this |
| Gay Gordon | Parking Warden | |
| General Election | Erection | |
| Geoff Hurst | Burst (urinate) | I'm dying for a Geoff. Geoff Hurst's World Cup Final hat-trick v West Germany at Wembley in 1966 and six goals v Sunderland (19.10.68) two years later, have been woven into the fabric of football folklore. |
| Geoff Hurst | Thirst | I've got a Geoff on tonight Sir Geoff Hurst was the only footballer to score three goals in a World Cup final. |
| Geoffrey Chaucer | Saucer | |
| George and Zippy | Nippy (cold) | It's a bit George. Eli Davenport reports that George & Zippy are from an old BBC kids show called Rainbow |
| George Bernard Shaw | Door | |
| George Best | Chest | (In football) Over 'ere son, on me Georgie . George Best is a famous footballer |
| George Martin | Farting | |
| George Raft | Draft | There's a bit of a george in here. |
| Georgie Bests | Breasts | |
| Georgio Armani | Sarnie (Sandwich) | |
| German Bands | Hands | Get your germans off my missus. |
| Gertie Gitana | Banana | I like a gertie on my cereal .Possibly an old music hall star |
| Giggle and Titter | Bitter (beer) | ere. I could use a giggle. |
| Gin and Tonic | Supersonic | |
| Ginger Ale | Jail | e's doing time in the ginger. |
| Ginger Beer | Engineer | He knows his stuff. He is a ginger, after all. |
| Ginger Beer | Queer (odd) | I don't know about that - sounds a bit ginger. |
| Gipsy's Warning | Morning | |
| Giraffe | Laugh | You're havin' a giraffe, mate. |
| Girls and Boys | Noise | |
| Glasgow Ranger | Stranger | |
| Glass of Plonk | Conk (Nose) | |
| Glass of Water | Quarter | |
| Glenn Hoddle | Doddle (easy or straight forward) | That jobs a Glen Hoddle. Glenn Hoddle is the coach of the English football team replacing Terry Venables. |
| Gloria Gaynors | Trainers (running shoes) | That's a nice pair of Gloria's |
| Gobstopper | Chopper (Penis) | |
| God Forbids | Kids | Couldn't hear a thing 'cause of all the Godfor's. |
| Gold Watch | Scotch (Whisky) | E enjoys his gold watch |
| Goldie Locks (Goldies) | Socks | |
| Goose's Neck | Cheque | He stuck me with a bouncing goose. |
| Gordon & Gotch | Watch | |
| Grand | 1000 | |
| Grass in the Park | Nark | |
| Grasshopper | Copper (police) | He got nabbed by the grasshoppers. |
| Gravel and grit | Shit | |
| Gravy lumps | Dumps | |
| Grease and Grime | Time | |
| Green eggs and ham | Exam | |
| Greengages | Wages | I've blown the greengages down at the dogs |
| Gregory Peck | Cheque | I never 'ad any bread on me, so I 'ad to pay by Gregory. I'm going down to the iron to sausage a gregory. |
| Gregory Peck | Specs (spectacles) | Where's me gregs |
| Gregory Peck | Neck | Wind you Gregory in |
| Gypsy Nell | Hell | My knee is giving me gyp today. |
| Gypsy's Kiss | Piss | Blimey - no more beer till I've 'ad a gypsy's. |
| H |
| Habitual Knitter | Bitter | |
| Haddock and Bloater | Motor (car) | I've gone and locked me keys in the haddock |
| Hair Gel | Bell | |
| Hairy knees | Please | |
| Hairy Nips | Chips | |
| Half a Gross | Dose | |
| Half Inch | Pinch (steal) | Someone's half-inched me pint! |
| Half inched | Pinched | |
| Half Past Three | Tea | Where's me bleeding cuppa arf past? |
| Ham and Cheesy | Easy | |
| Ham and Eggs | Legs | |
| Ham Shank | Bank | |
| Ham Shanks | Yanks | |
| Hammer and Tack | Back | Ooh! Me 'ammer and tack's playing me up again. |
| Hampden Roar | Score | You know the hampden. The Hampden Roar is is a commonly used term that refers to the noise made when fans cheer on Scotland at Hampden Park |
| Hampstead Heath | Teeth | His hampsteads (hamps) are a crime. |
| Hampton Wick | Prick | He gets on my wick. Don't even try to understand this one - just accept it |
| Hank Marvin | Starvin' | I'm bloody Hank Marvin. I haven't eaten all day Hank Marvin was the guitarist for The Shadows from the 1960's to the 1990's. |
| Hansel and Gretel | Kettle | |
| Harold Wilson's | Stilsons (Pipe Wrenches) | |
| Harris Tweed | Weed | |
| Harry Bash | Cash | |
| Harry Dash | Flash (natty) | e was alway a bit of an 'arry |
| Harry Kewell | Cool | |
| Harry Lime | Time | What's the Harry Lime? Harry Lime is a character in 'The Third Man' |
| Harry Lin | Chin | |
| Harry Monk | Spunk (semen) | This glue's as sticky as a load of Harry. Harry Monk was an old music hall entertainer. |
| Harry Nash | Cash | There's a discount if you're paying Harry Nash - if anyone knows the origin of this I'd appreciate it |
| Harry Rag | Fag (cigarette) | Have you got a harry? I don't know who or what a "Harry Rag is. If you know please tell me. |
| Harry Randall | Candle | Look at all the Harry's on his cake. |
| Harry Wragg | Fag (cigarette) | Have you got a harry? Frank Baynham reports that Harry Wragg was a famous jockey |
| Harvey Nichol | Pickle | |
| Hat Rack | Back | |
| Hay Stack | Back | |
| Heap of Coke | Bloke | |
| Hearts of Oak | Broke (financial) | I'm skint mate. Bleedin' hearts. |
| Hedge and Ditch | Pitch (Stall or Stand) | |
| Henry | Eighth | |
| Henry Moore | Door | They broke the 'enry down at number thirty two |
| Here and there | Chair | |
| Herring bone | Phone | |
| Hey Diddle Diddle | Middle | |
| Hide and Seek | Cheek | He kissed me on my hide and seek |
| Highland Fling | Ring | |
| Hillman Hunters | Punters | |
| Hit and Miss | Piss | I've got to have a hit before we go out. |
| hit and miss | Kiss | |
| Hobsons Choice | Voice | |
| Holly Hox | Pox | |
| Holy Friar | Liar | 'e's a bit of a holy friar |
| Holy Ghost | Toast | How about another round of 'oly. |
| Holy Ghost | Racing Post | |
| Hopping Pot | Lot (Serving or share) | That's your hopping mate. Meaning, that's all you get. this may have originated with Londoners who traveled to Kent and other districts to gather hops for beer |
| Horace Batchelor | Spatula | |
| Horse and Cart | Fart | Have you just horse & carted? |
| Horse and Cart | Heart | |
| Hot Cross Bun | Nun | |
| Hot Cross Bun | Son | |
| Hotpoint Fridge | Severn Bridge | |
| House to Let | Bet | |
| Housemaid's Knee | Sea | |
| How d'you Do | Shoe | |
| How's your father? | Lather | |
| Hum & Song | Pong (smell) | |
| I |
| I Suppose | Nose | That rotten drunk gave me a clip on me I suppose. |
| Ian Beale | Deal | |
| Ian Wrights | Lights | |
| Ice | cream freezer | |
| Ice Cream Freezer | Geezer | e's not a bad old ice cream |
| I'm Afloat | Overcoat | |
| Inky Smudge | Judge | |
| Ins and Outs | Snouts (Cigarettes) | ere mate, got any ins and outs? (See Salmon and Trout) |
| Irish Jig | Wig | I think that blokes wearing an Irish |
| Irish Rose | Nose | She gave me a kiss on my Irish. |
| Iron Hoof | Poof (homosexual) | He's a bit of an iron. |
| Iron Tank | Bank | He lost his house to the iron. |
| Isle of Wight | Right | |
| Isle of Wight | Light | |
| Itch and Scratch | Match | |
| Itchy Teeth | Beef | |
| Ivory Band | Hand | |
| J |
| J. Arthur Rank | Wank (masturbate) | e's off having a J. Arthur |
| Jack & Jill | Till (Cash register) | E got nicked with 'is 'ands in the old jack and jill |
| Jack an' Dandy | Handy | |
| Jack and Danny | Fanny | She's just sitting at home on her Jack and Danny |
| Jack and Jill | Bill (statement) | I'm going home - can I have my Jack? |
| Jack and Jill | Pill (birth control) | She's on the Jack |
| Jack and Jill | Hill | The store is up the jack. [See also Bill] |
| Jack and Jill | Till | |
| Jack Jones | Alone | |
| Jack Jones | Alone | He went to the pub all Jack. |
| Jack Jones | Own | |
| Jack 'n' Danny | Fanny | |
| Jack Palance | Dance | |
| Jack Tar | Bar (pub) | I'm off to the Jack. See also 'Alone' and Bar (pub). Could be very confusing if you're going alone - "I'm off to the jack jack". Or, if you were telling your brother Jack, "I'm off to the jack jack, Jack" |
| Jack the Dandy | Brandy | |
| Jack the Ripper | Stripper | I love me jack the rippers |
| Jack the Ripper | Kipper | |
| Jackanory | Story | |
| jackdaw | Jaw | |
| Jackie Chan | Scran (food) | I'm Hank Marvin. I could use some top Jackie for me Michael Winner |
| Jacks alive | Five | |
| Jackson Pollock | Bollocks | This modern art's a load of old Jacksons . Pollock is a "20th Century strange artist". |
| Jacobs Crackers | Knackers (testicles) | That toe-rag kicked me in the Jacobs |
| Jam Jar | Car | Bloody jam is down again. |
| Jam Roll | Arsehole | That geezer is a right jam roll. |
| Jam Tart | Heart | |
| James Dean | Obscene | |
| Jamie Redknapp | Crap | |
| Jazz Bands | Hands | Get yer jazz bands off me |
| Jeckyll and Hyde | Snide | 'e's a bit Jeckyll |
| Jekyll and Hyde | Pride | You lost your jekyll or something? |
| Jekyll and Hydes | Strides [trousers) | Just bought a new pair of Jekylls |
| Jenny Lee | Key | |
| Jeremiah | Fire | |
| Jerry Cottle | Bottle | |
| Jerry O'Gorman | Mormon | |
| Jim Skinner | Dinner | Is my Jim ready yet? |
| Jimmy Hill | Bill (statement) | Have we paid the Jimmy Hill yet? . Jimmy Hill is a football pundit and former player |
| Jimmy Hill | Pill | |
| Jimmy Hill | Ill | |
| Jimmy Nail | Hell | |
| Jimmy Orner | Corner | |
| Jimmy Riddle | Piddle (urinate) | I've had three pints - I could use a jimmy. |
| Joanna | Piano | He sparkles on the joanna. Just to confuse you, they mispronounce the word you're trying say, so instead of 'piano' they call it a 'piana' |
| Jockey Whips | Chips | I'll have a large plate of jockey's |
| Jockey's whip | Kip | |
| Jodrell Bank | Wank | Just off for a Jodrell .Jodrell Bank was the site of a University of Manchester botanical station, about 20 miles south of Manchester, back in the 1940's. Today, Jodrell Bank is a leading radio astronomy facility. |
| Joe Baxi | Taxi | Mind if I share your Joe Baxi? William Coward says Joe Baxi was a heavyweight boxer who knocked out British champ George Woodcock around 1950. |
| Joe Blake | Steak | |
| Joe Blake | Snake | |
| Joe Brown | Town | |
| Joe Goss | Boss | Never trust a joe .Joe Goss was a talented boxer |
| Joe Hook | Book | |
| Joe Rook | Crook | |
| John Cleese | Keys | 'ave you seen me johns |
| John Cleese | Peas | Eat yer John Cleese - they're good for you |
| John Cleese | Cheese | I'm meeting the big John Cleese today at work |
| John Major | Pager | Me John Major's just gone off |
| John Major | Wager (bet) | |
| John O'Groat | Throat | 'e cleared his groat whilst wiping his mincers with 'is germans |
| John Skinner | Dinner | |
| John Wayne | Train | |
| Johnnie Horner | Corner | I'll meet you 'round the Johnnie. |
| Johnny Horner | Corner | |
| Johnny Mutter | Butter | |
| Johnny Vaughn | Yawn | Can't hold back a good Johnny .Johnny Vaughn was the star of The Big Breakfast |
| Johnny Vaughn | Porn | I enjoy a bit of Johnny .Johnny Vaughn was the star of The Big Breakfast |
| Judge Jules | Tools | |
| Julian Clary | Fairy | |
| Julius Caesar | Geezer | ere, look at the 'ampsteads on that Julius |
| Jumping Jack | Back | |
| K |
| Kareem Abdul Jabbar | Car | Bloody kareem is down again. Kareem Abdul Jabbar is a basketball player in the U.S. How he got into rhyming slang I'll never know! |
| Kate | Steak | |
| Kate and Sydney | Steak and Kidney | A lovely Kate and Sydney pie [Not really rhyming slang - more a matter of getting your mords wixed up] |
| Kate Karney | Army | He's off and joined the Kate. |
| Kate Moss | Toss | I couldn't give a Kate Moss. |
| Kate Mossed It | Lost It | |
| Kathy Burke | Work | |
| Keith (Chegwin) | Pregnant | |
| Keith Deller | Stella (Artois) | |
| Ken Boon | 4 Door Saloon | |
| Ken Smee | Pee | |
| Kermit | Road | e took off down the kermit. From Kermit the Frog => frog and toad => road. |
| Kermit the Frog | Bog | |
| Kerry Packer | Knackered (tired) | I'm right Kerry'd - Kerry Packer is an Australian media magnate (and bleeding rich!) |
| Kettle and Hob | Watch (fob watch) | That's a lovely kettle. I got the following from Dudley who wondered about the connection between a kettle and a watch - he passed on the following story: |
| Kevin Keegan | Vegan | |
| Khyber Pass | Arse | Stick it up your khyber. |
| Kick and Prance | Dance | |
| Kick Start | Tart | Is this a lads night or are we taking the kicks |
| kidney punch | Lunch | |
| King Lear | Queer (homosexual) | e's a bit King Lear. |
| King Lear | Ear | |
| King Tut | Gut | |
| Kingdom Come | Bum | He just sat on his kingdom all day |
| King's Death | Breath | |
| Kippers | Slippers | |
| Kitchen Sink | Clink (jail) | After that last episode he'll be in the kitchen for a while |
| Kitchen Sink | Drink | |
| Kite | Cheque | |
| Knobbly Knees | Keys | Have you got your knobblies with you? |
| Knobbly Knees | Peas | We're havin' sexton and knobblies |
| Kungfu Fighter | Lighter | |
| Kuwaity Tanker | Wanker | |
| L |
| Lady from Bristol | Pistol | |
| Lady Godiva | Fiver (5 pound note) | Ere, that bloke still owes me lady! |
| Lager and Lime | Spine | |
| Lah-di-dah | Star | |
| Lamb & Mint | Skint | |
| Lar-dee-dar | Cigar | |
| Lards | Trousers | 'e was caught with 'is lards down. Lards is from Callards & Bowsers, makers of fine toffee's. |
| last card in the pack | Sack | |
| Laugh and Titter | Bitter (Beer) | |
| Lee Marvin | Starvin' | I'm Lee Marvin... if you're really hungry you could say, "I'm Hank, and his brother Lee". Lee Marvin was an American actor. See other entry for starvin' (Hank Marvin). And no - they're not related. |
| Left in the Lurch | Church | |
| Legs | 11 | |
| Lemon Curd | Girlfriend | |
| Lemon Dash | Flash | Don't act so lemon |
| Lemon Lime | Crime | Not one lemon reported all night |
| Lemon Squeesy | Easy | |
| Lemon Squeezer | Geezer | |
| Leo Fender | Bender (homosexual) | That blokes a bit leo after all. The late Leo Fender was the inventor of the Stratocaster guitar |
| Leo Sayer | All Dayer (all day drinking session) | Let's make it a Leo Sayer. |
| Lesley Crowthers | Trousers | |
| Lester Piggot | Bigot | |
| Light and bitter | Shitter | |
| Light and Dark | Park | |
| Lilian Gish | Fish | Good day at the stream. Got a pair of Lilian's. |
| Lilley & Skinner | Beginner | |
| Lilley and Skinner | Dinner | |
| Lillian Gish | Pish | |
| Lilly and Skinner | Dinner | What's for lilly and skinner |
| Linda Lusardi | Cardy (cardigan) | Oh my God - look at that awful Linda he's wearing |
| Linen Draper | Paper (newspaper) | Has the morning linen come yet? |
| Ling and Linger | Ring on Finger | |
| Lionel Bart | Fart | |
| Lionel Blaire | Flares (wide bottom trousers) | Got on his best lionels for the evening. Lionel Blaire is a performer. |
| Lionel Blaire | Nightmare | I'm havin' a right lionel Lionel Blaire is a performer. |
| Lion's Lair | Chair | Have a lion's while you wait. |
| Little and Large | Marge | |
| Little Critter | Bullshitter | |
| Liz Hurley | Early | 'e's never gotten here liz |
| Liza Minelli | Telly (TV) | What's on the Liza? |
| Loaf of Bread | Head | Don't just stand there - use your loaf. |
| Lollipop | Shop | |
| Long Un | 1000 | |
| Longers and Lingers | Fingers | |
| Loop de Loop | Soup | Nothing like a good loop on a cold day. |
| Lord Lovel | Shovel | |
| Lord Mayor | Swear | |
| Lord of the Manor | Tanner | |
| Lords and Peers | Ears | |
| Louise Wener | Tenner (10 pound note) | ere, lend us a louise. Louise Wener is a singer with the band Sleeper |
| Lousy Brown | Crown | |
| Love and Kisses | Missus (Mrs) | Where did your love and kisses go? |
| L-Rig | Girl | |
| Lucy Locket | Pocket | Keep it in your Lucy. |
| M |
| Macaroni | Pony (25 pound) | |
| Macca | Crap | I'm off for a macca . Comes from Macaroni => pony; Pony & Trap => Crap |
| Mae West | Best | I'm Mae West at Cockney Rhyming Slang |
| Magnus Pike | Dyke (Lesbian) | She looks like a right Magnus - Magnus Pike was an 'off the wall' TV personality who would (and could) explain complex scientific concepts to kids |
| Mahatma Ghandi | Randy | |
| Major Stevens | Evens (betting) | |
| Man on the Moon | Spoon | |
| Manchester Scally | Rally | |
| Manhole Cover | Brother | My manhole cover is coming for a visit. How does manhole cover rhyme with brother you ask? Simple... if you pronounce brother as "bruvver"! |
| Mark Ramprakash | Slash | |
| Mars Bar | Scar | I fell down the apple and pears trying to answer the dog & bone, hit my head and ended up with a mars bar |
| Master McGrath | Bra | |
| Matheson Lang | Slang (Cockney Rhyming) | |
| Mavis Fritter | Shitter | |
| Melvyn Bragged | Shagged | |
| Melvynn Bragg | Fag (cigarette) | Oi, mate. Can I scrounge a melvynn of you |
| Merchant Banker | Wanker | He's a right merchant |
| Merlyn Rees | Peice (lunch) | |
| Merry Old Soul | Arsehole | 'e's a bit of a merry old soul |
| Meryl Streep | Sleep | |
| Meryl Streep | Cheap | |
| metric miles | Piles | |
| Michael Caine | Train | I missed me Michael |
| Michael Caines | Stains | |
| Michael Miles | Piles | |
| Michael Winner | Dinner | I'm Hank Marvin. I could use some top Jackie for me Michael Winner.Michael Winner is the food critic for the Sunday Times |
| Mick Jagger | Lager | How about a couple of Mick Jaggers over here? |
| Mick Mills | Pills | 'e's always 'ad a weakness for the Mick Mills . Mick Mills played for Ipswich in the '70s |
| Mickey Bliss | Piss (Make fun of) | He's always taking the mickey out of someone |
| Mickey Duff | Puff (marijuana) | Here, mate. Got any Mickey? |
| Mickey Most | Toast | |
| Mickey Mouse | House | I'm taking my missus to the mickey tonight. Usually means a theatre rather than a residence |
| Mickey Mouse | Scouse | |
| Mickey Rourke | Pork | |
| Midland Bank | Wank (masturbate) | I'm going for a midland |
| Mikkel Becks | Specs [Spectacles) | Where did I put me Mikkel's? - Mikkel Beck is a footballer |
| Milton Keynes | Jeans | |
| Mince Pies | Eyes | She got beatiful minces. |
| Moby Dick | Sick | I'm feeling a bit Moby today. |
| Molly O'Morgan | Organ | |
| Monkey | 500 | |
| Monkey Wrench | Wench | |
| Monkey's cousin | Dozen | |
| monkey's tail | Nail | |
| Moriarty | Party | Mental morry mate |
| Mork and Mindy | Windy | Cor, it's bloody mork today, shows you that the slang is constantly evolving |
| Mother Hubbard | Cupboard | There's nothing in the mother. |
| Mother of Pearl | Girl | |
| Mother's Ruin | Gin | Another mothers would sit well. |
| Mozambique | Keek | |
| Mrs Chant | Aunt | |
| Mrs Duckett | Bucket | |
| Mrs. Chant | Aunt | He didn't know what to get his Mrs. Chant for Christmas |
| Mum and Dad | Mad | He's a bit mum and dad. |
| Mumbley Pegs | Legs | Stand on your own mumbleys |
| Murray | mint | |
| Murray Walker | Talker | She's a real murray 6 just can't get her to shut up! |
| Murray-mint | Skint | |
| Mutt and Jeff | Deaf | Poor buggers mutt and jeff. Usually full slang expression is used. very often the expression is shortened to mutton as in "Poor buggers mutton". |
| Mutter and Stutter | Butter | |
| Mystic Meg | Leg | |
| N |
| Nails and Tacks | Fax | |
| Nanny Goat | Throat | Get that down your nanny |
| Nanny Goat | Boat | I took my nanny out on the river. |
| Nanny Goat | Coat | Put your nannies on - it's taters out. |
| Nat King Cole | Dole (welfare) | I've got to sign on the old Nat King |
| Natter | Chat | |
| Near and Far | Bar (pub) | I saw him at the near. |
| Ned Kelly | Telly | |
| Needle and Pin | Gin | I'll have a small needle and tonic. |
| Nelson Eddy's | Readies (pound notes) | e's got a pile of nelsons! |
| Nelson Mandelas | Stella (beer) | A couple of nelsons please |
| Nena | 99 | |
| Nervo | 9 | |
| nervo and Knox | Box | |
| Nervous Wreck | Cheque | |
| Neves | 7 | |
| New Delhi | Belly | |
| Newington Butts | Guts (stomach) | My newingtons are giving me some gyp today. Newington Butts is in an area of London (SE1?) commonly known as The Elephant and Castle |
| Niagara Falls | Balls (testicles) | I got him in his niagara's |
| Niffty | 50 | |
| Nifty n Frifty | Shifty | |
| Nightboat to Cairo | Giro | |
| Nix | 86 | |
| Nix/Nixies | Nothing | |
| No Surrenders | Suspenders | |
| Noah's Ark | Park | I'm taking my misses to the Noah. |
| Noah's Ark | Shark | |
| Noah's Ark | Lark | |
| Nobby Stiles | Piles (hemorrhoids) | Me nobbies are acting up again .Nobby Stiles was a great footballer from years gone by |
| Norman Watts | Pots | |
| North and South | Mouth | I gave him a punch up the north. |
| Nose and Chin | Gin | I'll have a drop of nose and chin |
| Nuclear Sub | Pub | I'll meet you down the nuclear at 5 o'clock |
| Nuns 'n Habits | Rabbits | |
| Nuremberg Trials | Piles | Me Nuremberg's are really playing me up |
| O |
| Ocean | Mate |
